The really important things we discuss at work

On the phone with my boss, who suggested I take lead on yet another project, I said, "If you give me any more projects you're going to find me at the bottom of a bottle."  To which she replied, "Like a genie?"  Then our discussion devolved into truly important things like:

1. Where did Jeannie pee?*  I mean, she was stuck in that bottle with nothing but a round sofa.(although we both agreed that as children we totally wanted a bedroom like the inside of her bottle)
2. Where did she sleep?** I can't imagine the back pain one would wake up with having slept on that curved sofa all night.
3. What did Jeannie eat that whole time she was stuck in the bottle before Major Nelson found her?***
4. And why were the evil cousins on TV back then always brunettes? (I'm looking at you,too, Bewitched) Brunettes are not evil.

Yes, these are the things my boss and I talk about instead of work.****  What do you talk about with your boss?

*We decided she must have had a small bathroom on the side of the bottle we never saw.

**It must have been a sofa bed, which led to "how did she find sheets to fit?"

***She's a genie. She could blink in food. (which led to why couldn't she blink herself out)

****Yesterday, we talked about spam, Viagra, and the "enlarge your manhood" ads.

Life's simple pleasures

It doesn't take much to make me smile. For instance, these things did the trick today:

The city installed a light on Cahuenga on that curve after (or before, depending on which way you're driving) the John Anson Ford theatre. I'm so happy. It used to be a stop sign and drivers would have to take their chances because you can't see the cars coming up from Odin Street.

I successfully learned double knitting, a technique that has confounded me for ages. Thank you "Son of Stitch N Bitch" for finally making it clear to me. I frogged my swatch so I could use the yarn, but here's an example for anyone who doesn't know what double knitting is--so that you can be suitably impressed with my mad self-teaching skills. The pattern for the pictured scarf, done by Crafty Chick, can be found here.
I went to Michael's today and found the perfect colors for a couple of projects. I got some soy yarn (2/$6) and some Vanna's Choice (2/$5), and I picked up some dishcloth cotton yarn (4/$5) because despite my earlier assertion, I don't really have that much cotton after all.

Other things that made me smile today:

• New mascara
• The Laz-E-Boy commercial that starts off with the guy yelling "Punt," because he doesn't really annunciate the P very well and it sounds like something entirely different, and I'm 12 years old at heart.
  
• Doris Day and James Garner films. James Garner was so damn handsome.
• Toilet Paper on sale!! Gotta love Target.

That's all. I'm easy.

Jane says "Are you ready for some football?"

Who would have thought you'd ever see Perry Farrell singing the theme song for ESPN's Saturday Night Football alongside Kelly Rowland and 50 Cent? Certainly not me, but there he was in Times Square at the Pontiac Garage.

I have nothing of substance to say, just a few ramblings.


New backyard neighbors stole my garbage can today. I shouted from my kitchen window (because I was still in my jammies and I'm kind of non-confrontational) but they just looked up at me and went back to dragging my can over to their apartment. I noticed that their can was already full, but that's not my problem. I'll just have to toss my trash into someone else's can on Thursday.

Ordered my dress for the fall fundraiser. It's purty but I'm worried about my tattoos showing. I can wear black hosiery to hide the leg tats but the back is going to be a problem. They just don't make cocktail dresses that cover your back. The dress I ordered comes with a sheer black shawl, but I'm worried that it won't cover them well enough. Maybe the combination of the wrap and my long hair will work just fine. I'm going to look for an darker wrap or a nice shrug just in case.

A big shout out to my fellow Hufflepuff, Mary C, who found the Snitch and won our house 150 points in the first round of Quidditch!! Team Hufflepuff is in the lead for the house cup. Woo Hoo. And to that end, here's a little sneak peak for my swap recipient. She's in Ravenclaw and prefers the book colors, as do I, but dang it's hard to find bronze yarn.


Did you hear about that oversized load that jammed up traffic on the 101 today? They were moving a pre-fab house and it got stuck under the Hollywood Boulevard overpass. Did you see the driver? He had an Irish brogue and I just wanted to pat him on the back and offer him a Guinness. Poor thing. It's pretty funny, though.

Don't you hate it when you come across one of those unnaturally gorgeous boys who are young enough to be your son and make you feel like a dirty old woman for having impure thoughts? Yeah, me too.

That's all. I'm off to bed. Tomorrow will be an action-packed thrill ride from beginning to end, I'm sure, as I will be doing laundry and dyeing my hair.

It's Tuesday. This is all I've got for you.

The Chuck Wagon is still parked on my street and I'm a little peeved. To whom does this thing belong? And, why is it taking up parking? Grrrr

Someone had an evaluation and is getting a raise.

The ladies room freaks have gotten weirder. Today, I was in the bathroom and thought I was alone because it was dead quiet in there. As I was washing my hands, I checked my hair in the mirror and noticed legs under the stall across from the sinks. The legs were not seated. They were standing legs. Standing-right-up-against-the-door legs. I suddenly got this very creepy feeling of being watched, so I rushed out of the bathroom. What the hell? What is wrong with the women across the hall? Why can't they just get in, pee or poo, and get back to work? Why are they so freakin' freaky about doing their business? Have they never read the book "Everybody poops"? Oh, that reminds me...

This story is totally second hand, but this guy I used to work with (Mac) worked at a book store (I think it was Crown). He was at the info desk when an old man with a familiar voice came up and said, "Pardon me, do you have "Everybody poops"? And the old man was Charleton Heston. The story is much funnier with Mac doing the voice, but go ahead and think of Moses saying "poop" and see if you don't get the giggles. Maybe it's just my 12 year old sense of humor.

Oh, Hal Fishman is spitting mad. Watch out in the front row.

All day long I've had "If I Only Had A Brain" playing in my head. At one point, I was freezing because of the mad A/C in my office and I walked into the break room shivering and singing, "brrr brrr brrr brr brr brrrr brr brrrrr..." to the tune of the aforementioned song. Co-workers backed away slowly.

Everyone should go out quick and pick up a bag of the Mystery Doritos X-13D. The idea is to taste the chips, then log on to the site and name the flavor. You can play a game to get clues as to the flavor. I won't tell you what I think because I don't want to ruin my chances of a winning a year's supply of Doritos. (and I wonder why I can't lose weight)

That's it. I'm outta here.