Those therapy bills are going to be expensive

Earlier today, I went to the ladies room here at work, and a woman was in a stall with her child speaking in Spanish.  I originally thought she was speaking to the child, but it became clear that she was on a cell phone. I sat. I peed. I got ready to wipe, when low and behold a small head popped under the door of my stall, followed by a small body, completely ignoring my cries of "No, don't come in here."  I had to open the door and shoo him out, which wasn't easy because our stalls are small and I am most certainly not.  Since I was in a wiping position (use your imagination) when he crawled in, I'm sure he got a glimpse of more than he bargained for.  I hope he doesn't have nightmares.

Also, I couldn't help but notice, as I gave the tyke a meaningful shove out the door and continued about my business, that the mother's conversation had stopped and that she was quiet.  Dead quiet.  Nary a peep.  Not even so much as a "get back over here" to her wayward child.  The silence continued as I washed my hands and left.  

The really important things we discuss at work

On the phone with my boss, who suggested I take lead on yet another project, I said, "If you give me any more projects you're going to find me at the bottom of a bottle."  To which she replied, "Like a genie?"  Then our discussion devolved into truly important things like:

1. Where did Jeannie pee?*  I mean, she was stuck in that bottle with nothing but a round sofa.(although we both agreed that as children we totally wanted a bedroom like the inside of her bottle)
2. Where did she sleep?** I can't imagine the back pain one would wake up with having slept on that curved sofa all night.
3. What did Jeannie eat that whole time she was stuck in the bottle before Major Nelson found her?***
4. And why were the evil cousins on TV back then always brunettes? (I'm looking at you,too, Bewitched) Brunettes are not evil.

Yes, these are the things my boss and I talk about instead of work.****  What do you talk about with your boss?

*We decided she must have had a small bathroom on the side of the bottle we never saw.

**It must have been a sofa bed, which led to "how did she find sheets to fit?"

***She's a genie. She could blink in food. (which led to why couldn't she blink herself out)

****Yesterday, we talked about spam, Viagra, and the "enlarge your manhood" ads.

Not feeling it

My eyes are still irritated and the air quality isn't helping matters. The boss is out and I'm really trying to focus but finding it fairly impossible. I may just throw in the towel and leave early...only I can't because the boss knows I was late. Rats!

Know the best part of Halloween? Co-workers bringing in leftover candy because they "didn't get any trick-or-treaters this year." (did anyone?) High Ten to the guy in finance who gave out full-sized candy bars (Payday, Almond Joy--it's like he read my mind). Not that I need it, but I surely do enjoy it.

We have TADPOLES!! Did anyone see the episode of "My Name Is Earl" a few weeks ago when Joy was going to disprove evolution? Cracked me up. Anywho, the ants--remember them?--have run their course. Actually, several courses. No one is interested in ants anymore. Enter Planet Frog! Gigi, the science lady, sent away for tadpoles and they arrived today.There are two of them and they were harder to capture on film than Bigfoot. This one here is Bill S. Preston, Esq. You may have guessed that his tank buddy is Ted "Theodore" Logan. The instructions say we should have frogs in two to four weeks. It also says, "some tadpoles may not develop as quickly as others." We call them tardpoles. Stay tuned for more wacky amphibian hi jinks.

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm so exhausted this week for no reason whatsoever. I am going to blame that lousy mid-week holiday for giving me the "it's the weekend again" fake-out.

Sleep tight!

A running post on Thursday

[9:59am] We have a Directors meeting first thing today. It was supposed to start at 9:30. It has not started yet. I was supposed to stop at Smart & Final on my way in, but my eyes--My GOD, my eyes--are burning from allergies and were tearing up all the way to work. It must have looked like I was crying because I kept getting sympathetic glances from other drivers. They are still killing me, even after drops. I cannot see and I just want to keep them closed.
[12:12pm] Indigo Montoya is sick. He has a red bulgy eye. The website said it's from poor water quality. I'm a bad mother. I'm just waiting for the boss to be in her meeting so I can change his tank water, add drops and say a little prayer for his recovery. How can he flirt with his turtle if he can't see him? My shame at my shoddy pet keeping skills is boundless. Although to be fair, fish are dicey to begin with and my cat was a happy camper, as was the family dog, Rascal.
[12:45] My kingdom for a frakkin' laptop that will play this DVD for the charter school presentation!!!!
[1:16pm] I'm stuck at the front desk until 2:15, after which I have to clean the fish tank, eat some lunch, confirm my boss's travel arrangements for tomorrow and be ready to leave by 3:30. Can I do it? We'll see.
[11:30] I made it. We all went bowling at Lucky Strike. I sucked so bad and my back is kind of sore. I'm sure I'll have a hard time tomorrow. Special thanks to Criss for making me laugh so hard my sides hurt. I meant to come knitting but the bowling wiped me out. Who knew? I guess I'm not as young as I thought.

Phew.

Holy Crap! Is it Monday or what?

Woke up on time, hair looks stunning, leaving my house in plenty of time and what do I see when I skip down the sidewalk to my car? A homeless woman sorting her laundry on the hood of my car. Lovely. A police officer was talking to her as I walked up. "You really should take your stuff off the car. I know I wouldn't like that if it were my car," he said.
"It's my car, " I said as I clicked the door lock.
"Oh, that's a pretty necklace," the homeless woman said to me.
"Thank you. That's a lot of crap on my hood. You want to move it?" I replied.
"It's just blankets and stuff," she said.
"Yeah, but I have to leave for work now," I said while opening the door.
The police officer gave me the rocker nod and said, "you got this," and drove off. I climbed in my car and set up the iPod while she finished removing her things from my hood. Then I started the car. "Have a nice day" she called as I drove off. Aw, that was sweet of her. I mean, it's not like she was sleeping on my car or, you know, drinking in the back seat. Plus she kind of reminded me of my ex-boyfriend's current wife-- sad, pathetic and none-too-bright so one couldn't really pick on her. For a visual, she kind of looked like this.

I arrived at work, stepped out of the elevator on our floor and was nearly knocked out by the overwhelming smell of poo. It was muggy in the lobby, which is never a good sign. Arthur at reception told me that A) the AC was off; B) there was some sort of water leak over the weekend and all the carpets are soaked and the elevator shafts were flooded; and C) the water is shut off so we can't use the restrooms. Oh, and the server is down. Can I go home now? The boss called to say she'd be late so I warned her. Just as she was about to send us all home, the server came back up (Thanks a lot, Allen in IT) and we were forced to stay. Crap! The halls still smell like poo despite the many high-powered dryers strategically placed through our floor. Fortunately, the water is back on and we don't have to trek to the next tower to use the toilet.

Can't get any worse, you say? Guess again. I was off to get lunch at my favorite salad place and was waiting at the light at 6th and Hope after making the trip around the block (you have to take a friend and drop them off, then go around the block because there's no parking, and pick them up on the next round). The light is red and I can't make a right turn because of oncoming traffic. The car behind me is impatiently waving at me. The light turned green and the car behind me commences with the honking. Honk! Shout obscenities! Honk! Meanwhile, I am still unable to make a right turn because of the 300 pedestrians crossing (yes, I counted them). I shrugged and waved toward the peds x-ing but the carload of Impatiens (hee hee) angrily climbed up my bumper and honked and revved the engine. Finally, I was able to turn and the car swerved around me to the left and shouted something to the effect of "get off the road 'til you learn to drive!" and various things in a language I don't speak. You mean, get off the road until I learn to plow through an intersection filled with pedestrians? Get off the road until I learn to risk my life and car by turning into oncoming traffic? Jeez!

Oh, it doesn't end there. After the salad run, we stopped at Starbucks--the one at Union and Wilshire. Avoid it at all costs. It shares a lot with a shoe store, which as far as I can tell does no business, and is adjacent to a McDonald's, Home Depot and Food 4 Less. Parking is always a challenge and made more so by the milling about of day laborers. Today, a Cadillac circa 1977 was idling in front of three viable parking spaces. I may have made a disparaging remark in the vein of "move it, dickhead." I may not have noticed that Criss's window was down. (oops)
Inside Starbucks, Criss perused the food selections while we waited in line. The person in front of us stepped up to place her order and Criss didn't move up right away. The women behind us said, "Are you in line?" "yes, we are," I replied as I turned back to help Criss choose between fruit and cheese and the delicious prosciutto sandwich. I didn't say it with attitude, I swear. I simply stated, "yes, we are." Behind us, the women began rumbling. "Obama's in the White House! I'm glad, too. Teach these people some manners." Excuse me?? Is she talking about us?? How is one related to the other? And how was my response ill-mannered? This is when Criss decided to tell me that these women were passengers in the aforementioned Cadillac. Yikes! I wasn't worried much. Criss is from Atlanta and was fully prepared to go ghetto if need be. But, in true karmic form, the barista somehow placed our order after theirs so we waited forever for a tall chai latte, which caused the ladies behind us to smile smugly as they grabbed their drinks.

NOW can I go home??

Like an urchin (hey)

With a depressing $32 left in my checking account and no food in the cupboards, I had no choice but to do my grocery shopping at Big Lots. I bought the staples (rice, pasta, canned veggies) and the not-so-staple (Spaghettios, Ravioli, Pop Tarts). When I came home, I made a nice rice dish with veggies and mushroom soup and put it in dishes to take to work today. Then I left home without it. Sad and hungry...and sick. That was me.

Well, I must have looked especially pathetic because the CFO gave me some pizza from CPK and my friend Terry came back from lunch at Yang Chow and gave me the rest of her slippery shrimp. I felt like Oliver with my bowl out asking for more. Terry even gave me some Emergen-C, which may be a little late, but the thought was nice. It's nice to have friends when you're an idiot who leaves her lunch at home. Thanks, guys! [edit] Terry also brought me some CFL bulbs she snagged at the recent Women's Conference in Long Beach. That Terry is okay in my book.

In other news, I have pretty much spent the whole day trying to schedule a meeting at a time that is most convenient for about ten people and guess what--nothing is most convenient for ten people. Come on, folks; work with me here.

Damn my work ethic

My head is woozy and floaty. My sinuses are blocked and most likely swollen. I feel as if my face is a big puffy mess, although the mirror and my friends assure me this is not the case. My eyes have packed their bags and left them sitting, and have given their focusing team the day off. I'd put the glasses on but the aforementioned swelling makes wearing them painful. All in all, I should be home in bed resting, drinking tea, getting better. Instead I am here, filing, scheduling appointments, drinking tea but not feeling any better despite the heavenly chai.

I am still debating attending SnB tonight. I don't want to infect my knittahs, if contagious I be, but on the other hand, I feel like I've been neglecting y'all. We'll see how it goes by 5:30ish. In the meantime, I'm knitting my way through the lunch shift at the front desk before burying myself in the filing room again.

Soup. I should get soup, too.

The Big Fundraiser is TODAY!!!

Oh My God! I have done far too much for a Saturday morning. So far, I've gone to the party store to pick up large rolls of cellophane; gone to Target to purchase a garment steamer, hand soap, toothbrush, mouthwash, and birthday card; pedicure; steamed my dress for tonight; joined NaBloPoMo; shaved my legs, and now...NOW I have to do my hair and makeup so I can be in Long Beach to help set up by 2pm. Phew! Normally I wouldn't even be out of bed at this hour. It's going to be a long night. Hopefully, I'll have photos for you tomorrow.

Scenes from lunch

Not all of Wednesday sucked. I took a little midday bus trip with Criss to the bank at 9th & Hill, then to Ralphs at 9th and Hope, then back to work. Here's some photos to keep you company until I have something else to write about.Ceiling of Washington MutualClock tower at park, 9th and Hopelovely air conditioned bus

And here is Friday's salad, from Loose Leaf on 6th Street (between Hope and Grand), which has the thickest raspberry vinaigrette I've ever seen. It made my salad look like an accident scene. It was yummy, though. I highly recommend Loose Leaf if you're in the downtown area (on foot, though, because parking sucks). The salads are huge and reasonably priced.

This day sucked, but my salad was delicious

Things started off just fine. I woke up at 5am and decided to get moving rather than hit the snooze. I had some delicious blueberries while I prepared a salad for lunch. I chopped lettuce, tomatoes, and peppers while the sun came up. It was really quite meditative. The salad was visually stunning, although I didn't take a picture. I put it in the fridge to chill while I got ready and prepared my breakfast--avocado sandwich.

I headed out and had to stop at Rite Aid on my way. They didn't have what I was looking for, but I picked up some cards and an amazing chocolate bar. Then, I headed downtown to pick up a gift certificate for a fundraiser. My eyes were burning from either smoke or some other allergen, so vision was impaired. I got turned around on the one way streets but managed to make my way to the parking garage entrance only to turn in the out driveway. Oops. I backed up into traffic a little, drove a bit on the sidewalk, and came in the proper entrance and shrugged apologetically to the security guard who was giving me the stink eye. The nice valet man sent me to the beginning where I made a right and almost exited the garage. The peeved security guard had me back up and turn left down the ramp confusingly marked "Monthly Parking Only." I drove down the ramp and around that level, finding nothing and attempting to find the ramp to the next level. Then it happened. MY OIL LIGHT CAME ON!! And the beeping--MY GOD--the beeping was loud and scary. I hightailed it out of the garage, but when I came to the gate, it turns out there is no grace period; I owed $3.88 and they don't take cards. I pleaded and told the lady that my oil light was on and beeping and I needed out right this second and I don't have cash and I may have cried a little (or a lot). I begged Jamie to make it to the gas station, which she did because she's a champ, but when I pulled over, I may have been driving a little erratically and the police came over to ask me what was what. Here's where the tears and pathetic face work wonders. I let Jamie cool and added oil.

Then I came to work. And I was in such a mood that I didn't feel like doing anything so I went on an errand with Criss. After lunch, I called the DMV because my registration is due (yes, again) but they didn't send me the form yet. The window-licker who answered the phone told me the following: a) his computer was down and he couldn't help me; b) I'd have to pay a late fee because it was due October 2nd, even though they didn't send me the form because "that's really just a reminder, not a bill;" and c) I'm an idiot. Okay, he didn't tell me that last one, but he kept repeating, "You didn't get the form. (no) and you haven't changed your address or anything. (no) Are you sure you didn't get the form?" Seriously??

I did manage to get things accomplished, but not as much as I had hoped. Oh, and I have zero dollars in checking. How did that happen?

How I spent my Saturday

It's official

My company, which has been in Bancruptcy for a few months now, is officially liquidating. I will very soon be out of a job.

But don't cry for me, Argentina. I'll be fine. I just wanted to share this with you because, as I have limited internet access outside of work, I may not be very bloggy for a while, unless my severence package is huge and I decide to buy a computer and get internet at home.

Think good thoughts for me in the job market. And think good thoughts for my co-workers who may not have anything lined up yet.

[Heavy sigh] It's a sad day for us here. It's a sad day for Iconic Record Retailer (name changed to protect me).

Cue Chicken Little

This is never a good thing to find on your place of employment.