Sunday, September 30, 2012

Laurie Ann Snicket's Series of Stupid Mistakes

I don't know what is wrong with me today but I have made one stupid mistake after another.  Stupid, because the mistakes I made are things I'm usually pretty anal about.  Not today.  

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.  Let's just start there.  I was plagued with nightmares, none of which I can remember at this point, but I went to bed with the moon still high in the west, then woke up at 7am with the sun in my eyes.  I decided to read a little and fired up my beloved Kindle, which oddly had no name*, and dove in.  Two hours later, my mind began to drift**.  Laundry was piling up. So, with a sigh, I placed my beloved Kindle carefully into it's padded case, and gathered clothes.  Just before leaving the house, I crawled across the bed to turn off the window fan.  That's when I heard a pop...or was it a crack. A cracky pop. Or, a poppy crack.  Whatever it was, the sound was horrifying. I knew immediately the source of said soun; my beloved Kindle, post-mortemly named Ken, was under my left hand and now, he's stuck on Jules Verne for eternity.  Normally, when I'm done reading, I put Ken in his case and place it on the shelf of my nightstand.  Today, I left him on the bed, and then tossed the covers back, thereby covering Mr. Kindle.  I guess this makes the case for always making the bed, but I doubt I'll change.

I had a quick and thorough cry over my now-dead Kindle (truth be told, I'm still devastated), then headed out. I'll make a quick stop at McDonalds, then over to the Burbank Michael's for Halloween costume supplies, then back to Hollywood for the laundry.  In the McD's parking lot, I was waiting for some guy to do a 3-point turn, when a Range Rover started backing up right into my car.  Who backs up without even looking in a mirror?  And I assume the driver didn't look at all because my car is not so small that it wouldn't have shown up in either the right or left side mirrors, even if it's too short to show up in the rear mirror.  I honked.  It kept coming.  I honked more.  The driver taking forever to make a 3-point turn gave me the finger.  I reached my hand out the window and banged on the spare tire of the Range Rover.  It was that close.  He pulled forward and so did I.

I got to the drive-thru speaker, placed my order, and drove to the first window.  I turned to reach into my purse--MY PURSE!!! WHERE'S MY PURSE??  It's in the trunk with your dirty laundry, idiot.  So, I had to get out of my car (in the drive thru lane), open my trunk, get my purse, get back in the car, fumble for my wallet, die of embarrassment, get my food, and move on.  

The Michael's trip went well, except for the high cost of costume supplies, and I was off to the laundry.  I didn't have a lot of cash, so I decided to conserve washers.  Don't tell my Mom (I'm hoping she was watching one of my other siblings), but I didn't separate my light and dark shirts. I threw them in together, which is okay if you use a cold wash.  The rinse cycle on the first washer came and went.  The rinse cycle on the second washer came and went.  I stood there, Downy at the ready, and still no rinse cycle for the third washer.  Why not? Oh, maybe because I didn't turn it on.  It was underwear, so normal wash, push on--sigh.  This will set my laundry time back at least 45 minutes.  First washer done; jeans in dryer.  Second washer done; undies in dryer.  Third washer.....OH MY GOD! I just washed my lights and darks in WARM.  Fortunately, only one shirt was ruined.  

And would you look at this  park job.I'm surprised the car to my right could fit at all.  I'm usually a very good  parker. 
Upon leaving the laundromat, I dropped my phone under my car seat and had to contort myself to get it. I've decided not to touch anything else this evening. I'm not cooking. I'm not knitting. I'm just going to sit here***.  

*It's odd because I name everything.  My car, my phone, my iPod, my plants, my drop spindle (for spinning straw into gold).  
**The book is set in England. Our WeHo Stitch n Bitch Halloween theme is Great Britain. Ideas began forming.
***That sounds really awful. I may watch some movies, if I don't break the DVD player...shhhh, I didn't say that.

Friday, September 28, 2012

I want to like it, but they've broken my rules.

Regular readers of my irregular blog know I have one gigantic pet peeve about movies and TV shows--realism when using actual places.  I stopped watching 24 when Kiefer told some guys he'd meet them in West LA in 15 minutes...while in traffic near Hollywood and Highland.  Dude, you're not even going to make it to Sunset Boulevard in 15 minutes.  (Angelenos are nodding with me right now; those of you from out of town will have to trust me on the ridiculousness of that scenario).  I got annoyed with The Office when that one lady was driving from Scranton to the Lehigh Valley for Lamaze.  And don't get me started on The Happening.    

Now, I love me some Dystopia, and I had high hopes for Revolution,  the new show on NBC.  Power goes out; people have to survive without modern conveniences.  Bring it on! I can allow for some creative license, given that we don't know what would really happen.  But then they did it--they showed scenes from around the nation of what has happened since the power went out.  Mind you, the power has only been out for 15 years.  I'll let you think about that for a second.  15 years.  That's nothing.  Any parent can tell you how quickly 15 years passes.  

So, in 15 years without electricity, nature has completely taken over major cities.  Major citie, whose only grass and trees was in parks, now have trees and plants growing on the very top floors of high rises.  What?  
[click for larger size]
So, we're supposed to believe that this Ferris wheel is intact, but the Golden Gate Bridge (see top photo, in the background) is destroyed.  Ferris wheels are held together with freaking cotter pins!  

The swing set in the foreground is good, including the rubber seats, but the St. Louis Gateway Arch is falling apart.  I repeat--15 years!!!!  

I started thinking about my home town and the places that have been abandoned for a long time, just to get some perspective.  Here is the old International Boiler Works building, which shut down in 1992.  

Aside from the graffiti, it's in pretty good shape.  Beams appear sturdy, the roof is sound, and the grass has not taken over inside yet.  In fact, the outside looks pretty good, too, broken windows notwithstanding.
That's 20 years of no electricity.  Methinks the creators of Revolution should have reined in the CGI guys a bit.

Don't get me started about the asthmatic little brother, whom she's soooo worried about, but who appears to be a strapping lad of at least 17 years old and fully capable of taking care of himself.  

Thursday, September 20, 2012

And now we know why you've never seen a unicorn

Just in time for Halloween, and someone's birthday, I give you this delightfully creepy item.

I love this because it's super creepy, and because it totally looks like the disembodied baby hands are playing air guitar.  

Nooooo, not the unicorns!!!!!  I'm afraid so.  

These and many other items which will surely lead to nightmares can be found at the Little Bubble Etsy shop.  I am in no way affiliated with said shop, nor have I been asked for endorsement. I just think their stuff is great, in a "good luck trying to sleep tonight" kind of way.   

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Time zones, whatever.

Did you know you can check out library books on your electronic reading devices? (I was going to say Kindle, but you may have something different and I don't want to alienate anyone)  You can! It's a pretty simple affair, too, and you have your standard three weeks to read the book before it magically disappears from your device.*  Well, I am all about checking out books from my library rather than buying, and if I can do that on my Kindle, then all the better.  The selection isn't awesome, but I managed to find some good books that I've been meaning to read.  

Unfortunately, everyone else has been meaning to read them, too. I put a hold on several and was thrilled to receive this email today.

The following title is now available for check out and will be held for you for 4 days (96 hours) from the time this email was sent:

Fool: A Novel by: Christopher Moore eBook
Please visit the Los Angeles Public Library website and select the 'My Waiting List' link from the 'My e-Media Account' page. From there, you'll be able to add this title to your cart and proceed to check out. If you do not check this title out within 4 days (96 hours), the hold on this title will expire. Please note the time sent is EST (Eastern Standard Time). Your hold will expire 3 hours earlier in PST (Pacific Standard Time).

Why was an email from the LOS ANGELES public library sent EST?  Forgetting the fact that it  was really sent in EDT, why mention the time zone at all?  The time stamp on the email is local time, so why does it matter?  96 hours from 12:00am in New York is the same time as 96 hours from 9:00pm in LA.  Hmmm.
I'm excited about the book, though. I love me some Christopher Moore.

*I'm assuming here. I read the first book I checked out in one night and haven't checked on it since, so I'm not sure if it's still on there.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Journalism 101

On my Google homepage, I have a box that presents three top stories from the Los Angeles Times that day. The first story today was about a woman having been bitten by a pet monkey.  Here's the article; it's not long

A Javan macaque monkey being kept as a pet and living on a diet that included Frosted Flakes and juice has been quarantined after it bit a Paso Robles woman multiple times on the hand and arm.
The monkey, which authorities said was being kept illegally as a pet, attacked the woman Aug. 29, inflicting several severe bites to her arm and fingers.
The hospital where the woman was treated reported the incident to San Luis Obispo County Division of Animal Services on Sept. 5, Animal Services Manager Eric Anderson said.
“This kind of animal is never meant to be kept domestically. It is illegal," Anderson said. "It lived on a diet including Frosted Flakes and juice. We strongly discourage the keeping of any such animal."
He added: "And that is entirely the wrong kind of diet.”
The monkey is now quarantined for 60 days at Zoo to You, a conservation group that handles rescued animals.
Anderson said the California Department of Fish and Game is investigation and has the power to seek charges against the monkey's owner for unlawful possession of a restricted species.
The macaque delivers a dog-like bite and can do severe damage, he said.
-- Richard Winton, LATimes 

In my brief stint as a Journalism major, we were taught the five rules, starting with answer Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How in the first couple of sentences and save the extraneous information for the following paragraphs.  Start with the relevant details, then fill in the things like "she was an avid swimmer."  And while the first sentence certainly answers those, putting the monkey's diet in the first sentence makes it seem like that is an important detail.  
What--was bitten
Where--Paso Robles
When--August 29th
How--by a monkey
Why--probably because they were feeding it fucking Frosted Flakes and it wanted meat.
In fact, the writer, as well as the Animal Services Manager, seem really hung up on what the monkey was eating rather than the woman's health.  Even the headline on the Google page reflects this:

I think they're missing the really important detail.  Frosted Flakes is entirely the wrong kind of diet for ANY primate, not just macaque monkeys.