Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Benedict would be right there with me

What's this? Why, it's the fax imaging film that fell off its core and rolled across the floor while I was trying to replace it, answer the phone and listen to the bossman at the same time. It's enough to piss off the Pope, I tell ya. And do you know what? The film is just taped onto the cardboard core in the first place. Yep, just good ol' transparent tape. Cheap piece of...!
Without thinking I actually started saying, "MOTHER...!" I think I got MOTH out of my mouth before I checked myself and silently cursed Xerox for its shoddy materials.
Then, as I was trying to roll it neatly back onto the core so as not to adversely effect its performance, the phone rang and I had to hold it in my lap while I jotted down a call tag number for some other piece of faulty equipment.
Some days it just doesn't pay to multitask.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Surprisingly alert for a Monday.

Did you watch the Emmy Awards last night? Did anyone else think Kate Jackson look like an alien? Someone's had a little too much work done.

I washed my car yesterday--okay, I rinsed it--and while I was there I stepped on a screw!

It went through my sneaker, but barely pricked my skin, so I'm not worried about lockjaw or anything, but OUCH! I looked around and it was a veritable hardware store of loose screws in that bay. A pick-up truck had been washing in there previously, so I'm betting they came from him. I picked them up and tossed them out. Kids were running around, after all.

Nothing ruins a clever sign like the incorrect use of the subjunctive mood. Or is it just me.

Happy Monday!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Naked trees and a spindle named Edgar

It's Friday and I'm busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. What gives? However, I'm never to busy to blog.

Yesterday, I walked out to the sound of palm trees being shaved. I had to negotiate around a huge pile of brown fronds. Now the palm trees look like asparagus...or something dirty.

To my SnB friends--I found the yarn!!! It was on the stairs at my apartment. Phew! Thank you, Annika, for helping me look for it last night. Here's what it looks like.

Did you all guess what was in that picture? It's a drop spindle for spinning straw into gold, which I have named Edgar. Sachi brought him for me last night at Stitch N Bitch, then spent the rest of the night like a mother duck watching all her little duckling-spinners and helping us with our snags. We tease her about being a fiber pusher 'cause she got us all hooked. It's too much fun and I'm paying for it today. My wrist is sore. Here's Edgar and his trusty roving (aka big wad of wool waiting to be spun), which doesn't have a name because, well, it's roving.

Today is my nephew's 19th birthday. It seems like only yesterday he was a little baby with a face like Buddy Hackett (which doesn't sound cute, but trust me, it was ADORABLE). Remind me someday to tell you of his baptism. It's a classic. Happy Birthday, Niko! I love you.

What's this?

I learned something new.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Downsizing--it's not just for big corporations anymore

Well, doesn't this just suck. I'm not so much worried for Pluto. I mean, sure dwarves get a bad rap sometimes, but at least they didn't call it a (gasp) satellite. And it does kind of ruin one of my favorite Schoolhouse Rock songs, but I can live with that.

No, I'm concerned for the future when I hear school children react thusly:

Quinn Huebner, 15, was visiting the Smithsonian Institution's National Air and Space Museum on Thursday when he and his family from Mazomanie, Wisconsin, learned international astronomers had decided Pluto was no longer a planet.
His sister Grace, 11, voiced relief. Had Pluto remained a planet, at least three similar objects could have been upgraded and "that would mean there would be more planets to memorize," she said.

Come on, now. Was nine planets that difficult to remember? Really?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Signed "Perplexed"

If the employees in the store next door to my office are all men, and all the customers heretofore have been men, and I am the only person with two X chromosomes in the entire building--Why does it smell overwhelmingly like Love's Baby Soft in here? Or is it Powder Fresh Soft N Dri?

Either way, I know it' s not me because I am a strictly "unscented" kind of gal.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K

I'm not liking work right now. I can't get into detail but things are temporarily bad. Not so bad that I'm losing sleep, but bad enough that I am polishing the resume just in case. Anywho, I apparently work with Chicken Little, and she (he) told Henny Penny, who told Goosey Loosey, who told Duckey Luckey, who told Turkey Lurkey--that the sky is falling!!!! Then along comes Foxy Loxy, who is going to lure us all into his den and eat us up...and we'll all lose our jobs.

Foxy Loxy is, of course, a company who may possibly purchase the company I work for. Chicken Little and friends are my co-workers who are all spouting stuff and nonsense about losing jobs, paychecks not cashing, locations closing and other completely unfounded hypotheses.
Me? I'm just trying to get my projects done and maybe eat a Hot Pocket.

No, I don't really work at the Circle K.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Consumer product testing--Part 3

I'm back from the dreaded jury duty and work just isn't doing it for me today. Actually, I'm on my lunch break, lest you all think me to be some sort of slacker.

Last Thursday, on my first day of jury service, I took their "dress code" instructions to heart and wore a business casual ensemble. On my feet were the cruel shoes . In the short time it took to walk from the parking structure to the court house, my feet were bleeding and each step was a feat of sheer determination. I was poor that day, and begged the man at the jury room counter for a bandage. His Band-Aid brand sheer plastic did the trick, but slipped around throughout the day. The next day, having procured funds, I stopped at the pharmacy for more bandages. Always one to go for the bright shiny objects, my eyes immediately focused on the high tech-ish Activeflex Band-Aid bandages. "Inspired by skin," it says. "360 degree flexibility." Now, I don't know what sort of wound would require 360 degree flexibility, but I like their anticipation of just such a requirement. I had to have them. Sure they were more expensive than the plain old plastic banded ones. You're paying for the science.
So, how did they fare? Let's see..."Inspired by skin" means "will rip open like your own tender flesh did when rubbed against the heel of your shoe." "360 degree flexibility" means "if you take the bandage and twist it completely around, it won't rip. However, if you put it across your Achilles tendon and flex your foot, it will bunch up like your grandmother's panties."
The packaging also said one should leave the bandage on for several days for maximum healing, but these were off by the end of the day. Am I just harder on my bandages? Does my skin not stick?

I ended up making a second trip to the pharmacy for some plain old sheer plastic bandages and they are staying on just fine.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The prosecutor had a power point presentation

I kid you not. I have nicknamed him Slideshow Bob. Only one other juror got the reference. He started off with this Power Point thing with words sliding on and off the screen. But the piece de resistance is when a little cartoon helicopter flew onto the screen to represent the presence of the PoPo in the air. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. He closed his slideshow with a screen-filling WordArt "GUILTY," and left it up while he summed up his case. Even the bailiff was smirking. However, just so we're clear on this issue, his ridiculous--that's right, I said ridiculous-- closing arguments presentation had no bearing whatsoever on MY decisions in this case.
The defendent is NOT GUILTY of the charge of Burglary, but Guilty of the misdemeanor "trespassing."
No witnesses cried during this trial, but a witness for the defense got a bit snippy with the prosecuting attorney. In her defense, he did ask the same question over and over and over. That's okay. We didn't believe her testimony anyway.

I'm so glad I don't have to climb that hill any more. Now I just have to wait for my check, a whopping $75, plus mileage (a generous 34 cents per mile--ONE WAY)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

So close, and yet...

I didn't bring lunch today. I got my student loan monies yesterday and I'm all mad with the possibilities of a real lunch, with possibly some kind of meat product. But then a wild thought occurred to me--I'll just pop over to the library to see if they have that sock knitting book that Uccellina has, or one that may just get me over the hump. Of course, popping over to the library requires riding the rails (I like to pretend I'm a hobo) and careful planning. Me? Plan?? I scoff at planners. No, I prefer to throw caution (and the fear of not making it back in time) to the wind and just go.

I boarded the train at Civic Center, got off one stop later at Pershing Square, hiked up 5th Street, which, after three days of climbing up Mt. McKinley to Disney Hall, hardly seemed like a hike at all, and zipped up to the Arts & Recreation department. It was 12:30. I had to be back to the courtroom by 1:30. I scanned quickly, grabbed one book on hats, another on accessories, and a third on socks, and--whoosh--I was down the escalator and checking out (by myself, 'cause I can do that) and back out on the streets by 12:55. Phew! Walked across Grand on the solid red hand (which just made me think of Nick Cave) and power walked back to the train. I zipped back to Civic Center, paid it forward by giving my day pass to a lady having a hard time with the ticket machine, and strolled across the Court of Flags, making it to the courthouse at 1:15. Am I good or what? I even had time to grab a quick sandwich from the snack bar (chicken salad, yo) and a bottle of water from the vending machine. That was one productive lunch break.

However, my euphoria (endorphin rush) was short-lived, as we were delayed (again) and recessed early because...well, I can't get into it, but I was at school by 3:00. I am a practicing fool. [not now--now I'm a blogging fool, or just a fool]

(I'm very parenthetical today)

Oh, and the sweet court reporter gave us all some miniature chocolates to munch while we waited through a particularly long sidebar. She's so cute.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I'm so far out of shape I'm practically a straight line

Could they possibly make jury duty more difficult? Here is a map of the court area. You'll notice at the corner of 1st and Grand is Walt Disney Hall. This is where the jurors park. At the corner of Temple and Broadway is the Criminal Justice building (it's in there among those red spots), where I am serving jury duty. Now, on a map it doesn't look like much--two blocks one way, one block another. But what you can't see, and those familiar with downtown can back me up here...IT'S UP HILL BOTH WAYS. From Disney Hall, you walk down 1st to Broadway, an incline of, oh, about 90 degrees (probably more like 45 to 55, but it files like 90), then up Broadway, a less steep incline, but an incline no less. After jury duty, you now have to walk UP that hill on 1st Street. I'm fat. I have asthma. I just about collapsed on the street the first day I did this. [to add insult to asthma attack, on Thursday they made us park in an outside structure with no elevator, so on top of the Matterhorn climb, I then had to climb four flights of stairs]
I have tried walking across the Court of Flags and the Mall at the civil courts building to Grand Avenue and down. There are stairs, people, but at least there is also shade. Today I tried walking up Temple, where the incline is less steep, and then down Grand. I still had to rest at the top of the hill to catch my breath before continuing. Excuse me, Your Honor, can I get a shuttle so I don't have to show up to court sweating like a whore in church?

On the plus side, I am in desperate need of the exercise, and I do love downtown on a sunny day.

Scenes From A Lunch.

I love LA.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Oh, how the mind wanders

KCal 9 and KCBS 2 won some sort of Emmy award last night, probably for Laura Diaz's yellow suit or Johnny Mountains infectious laugh, or the way Linda Alvarez only has an accent when she says her name. Anywho, Laura kept saying "The duopoly blahblahblah...," meaning, of course, that the two stations are sister stations. I kept thinking of a board game,Doo Wop-oly, in which you land on famous Doo Wop groups like The Platters, or The Capris. I wonder who would be the equivalent of Park Place?

How about that Magic Bullet commercial? Would you welcome a neighbor into your home who can't be bothered to change from her robe or to put her cigarette out? Not only does the old hag have a cigarette IN THE KITCHEN but she's got an ash on there five inches long.

Why am I at work on a Sunday? I should leave. I still have about three things that I should do before I leave. It's late. I should leave. I'm going to leave. But, maybe I should just, I'm leaving. That's final.

Have you seen the talking dog and talking cat videos? I find them very disturbing. This one time (at band camp), my cat, James, let out this peculiar meow that sounded like he said, "Mommy," and I freaked out. I mean, I wouldn't get near him all night. Cats are witch familiars, you know. So what if he was a gay orange tiger. It was creepy!!
So when I see those videos of "talking" dogs, I think of this book, The Dogs of Babel, which is so good and so sad. I won't ruin it, but talking dogs plays an important part to the book. I highly recommend this book, but I warn you, there is a very disturbing part that will make you put the book down and walk away. Come back. Read the rest. It's worth it. Just don't say I didn't warn you, because no one warned me and, well, I'm just saying.

I'm hungry. My coffee is cold. I should leave. Yeah. I'm leaving.

Okay, I'll be back...maybe Monday if I get to school early. Maybe not until the end of the week.

Friday, August 11, 2006

She's still there. So am I.

Well, the jury is final and I'm on it. Unfortunately, so is #9. Most unfortunate, Juror #7 is still there and I discovered today he's got some serious dragon breath. Holy Mother of God, it could take the paint off the wall.

One of the people who was excused--and seriously, if you're going to try to talk your way out of jury duty, take some freaking acting lessons--kept saying, "I would have a difficulty time being impartial." He said it about 20 times until I nearly lept from my seat and said, "DIFFICULT, not difficulty, lab partner. You should be excused based on that alone." And he was one of those people who throws big words into their conversations to try to sound smart, but then uses the big word incorrectly thereby exposing themselves as a sham.

While eating my lunch at the Court of Flags, the meanest looking pigeons surrounded me. They were led by Grandpa pigeon. I was on the phone with my sister at the time, so I couldn't take his picture, but trust me when I say he was a pigeon who meant business. He was naturally after my peanut butter sandwich since I had tossed a portion of it into the throng earlier after a fly had vomited on it. (against Tina's advice--one day I'll listen to you, Tina) Grandpa pigeon eyed me up and down with his good eye, then hopped over on his two-talon feet and came dangerously close to pecking my toes. I kicked at him and I think my size made him change his mind. A few minutes later, something wet landed on my arm from the tree above. I'm not sure, but I think Grandpa got his revenge after all.

There were a bunch of guys with bikes hanging around too. I suspect they were these but they looked more like these . Actually, on closer observation, I'm going with the first choice. After a few minutes, a man pulled up on a motorcycle, handed the ringleader a stack of papers with binder clips and what not, and then sped off. Plus they all had those annoying cell phone/ walkie talkie things. Still, it looked kind of shady, and not because of the trees (HA! I crack myself up).

I'll be back on Monday with more tales of downtown, but none of Roy...not in the blog anyway. MonkeyGurrrll, I'll tell you in private. Oh, and I did not get to knit in the jury room. One is not allowed to bring knitting needles to court anymore. And to think, last time I actually brought cross stitch to do. Needles! Pointy ones! It's sad how 9/11 has made the world change. A gal can't even knit in court for fear of the pointies being used as a weapon. Doesn't the court realize that by taking away our rights to knit in court the terrorists have won? Of course, for the safety of Jurors 7 & 9, it's probably a good thing I don't have pointy objects with me.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

You're all wrong

I'm still in the jury pool, as we adjourned in the middle of jury selection, so I can't discuss the details. I will tell you this, though, Juror #9 is going to get a boot to the head before this trial is through. Oh, man, that is one annoying broad. She's about 4'9", with a dyed red 'fro. She's making comments about the others under her breath, but in my direction like I'm her co-conspirator, and she--get this--snapped her fingers at the Bailiff and asked him to get her some water like he was our freakin' busboy. I first ran into her in the bathroom and I quickly eluded her chattiness. But like a cheap perfume she lingered nearby until--DANG--she's the juror right next to me!!! Maybe tomorrow during the voir dire she'll be excused. Or I will. Either scenario would be delightful.

The trial, if I'm a final juror, should be over by next Thursday, at which time I will regale you all with stories of true crime and freaks of LA.

Oh, one more thing: I was finishing up my lunch in the cafeteria when a woman came over to my table and gave me the ol' eyebrow lift as she nodded at the empty seat at my table, which was not exactly a large table. I'm not rude (to people's faces, anyway) so I said, "sure. I was just leaving anyway." The woman gave me sad face, like "awww...I was looking forward to telling you everything you ever wanted to know about my gout." As I got up to leave I noticed that there were about 50 empty tables. Why me?

Guess where I am?

First clue:
Intentionally blurry.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

My favorite sport

We (the company I work for) were given use of a luxury suite at Dodgers stadium last night and it was sweet. (get it? suite/ sweet--I'm so funny)
Anywho, the owners of the suite hooked us up with beer, soda, Dodgers dogs, quesadillas, chips, nuts, pretzels, and a great view from behind home plate. It was a great game. The Dodgers won!! Yippee!! And we got to order from the dessert cart (Thanks, Boss). Oh yeah, Dessert cart. No cotton candy for us. In the luxury suites you get your choice of such desserts as S'more brownies, Snickers pie, Orange Creamsicle Cheesecake, Caramel Apples as big as your head, and liquor shots in chocolate "glasses." I had gummy bears. I was too full from the dogs and quesadillas.
It's the back of Vin Scully's head!

7th Inning Stretch (look closely and you can see the organist)

Birthday Girls: Marnie & Teaunna

Dodgers Win!!! The boys are so excited.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Follow up on Ray Parker, Jr.(the cat)

Look how comfortable she is in her new home. What a beautiful cat! I still can't believe someone tried to get rid of her.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Knitting through the pain

I was working on a hat with Wool-Ease Thick N Quick last night and it was more like Thick N Difficult. To be fair, a longer cable on the circular needles would have eased my pain. At any rate, it was nearly done when I left SnB last night so I had to run home and finish it up. Because I went a little crazy and didn't pay attention, I had to do a rapid decrease, so the top is swirly and a little flat, but I like it.

Also, the Mad Spinner snuck a little something something in my bag when I was distracted by Mrs. Jack Sparrow's boobs and I was giddy like a school girl when I found it. I couldn't wait to wind it into a ball. I had to swatch it right away. It's SOOOOO beautiful. I know what I want to make with it ( but I won't tell 'cause I want it to be a surprise) and I almost called in sick today to stay home and knit. Is that wrong?

And I haven't even hit the dark purple yet. See how well the different shades complement each other.

My legs hurt...that's the pain I'm knitting through. They hurt because I had to run up and down Sunset Boulevard yesterday trying to get my boss on a conference call and my black velvet Converse high-tops, while beautiful, are no made for sprinting to and fro. Plus, I'm old and overweight.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Wednesday and The Working Girl

Run and tell your Cous-in that we gonna get our Fash on
Is anyone else annoyed by this Old Navy commercial? I actually ran from the room last night when it came on. Although, how great is the Carls, Jr commercial with the Canters waitress. Did they nail the whole typical Canters waitress look or what?

The boss decided to "work from home" again today, so I've been busy as usual. I decided to look at Hallmark e-cards, you know, to send to people I care about. I just had to share the Hoops & Yoyo homepage with you. Hoops is the pink cat (?) and Yoyo is the green thing (bunny? I'm not sure). Enjoy, and be sure to click on the bear button.

Okay--Rock Star Supernova alert. Zayra: Would it kill her to cover her nether regions? Let's just say I'm surprised we couldn't see the Brazilian. As for her performance, well, I'm at a loss for words, much like the Supernova boys were last night. Jill (the one who claimed she didn't know of Courtney Love): gave a great performance last week, only to louse it up with her lackluster performance this week. Lukas: If they were casting a new, new, Monkees, he'd be a shoe-in for the Davy Jones character. Not that he's cute like Davy was, but he's about 4'11". He needs to wash his face, too. He just looks mutant. Ryan: Joe Escalante on Indie 103 thinks he's the winner, but last night he did a rock-star-in-touch-with-his-sensitive-side performance at the Baby Grand that was totally Better Than Ezra-esque (He sang REM). Tommy Lee was impressed, but that's not saying much. Storm Large: She picked a hair color, so why couldn't she pick an octave. At least she didn't look cross-eyed last night. The guys loved it, but they must have been in the bathroom or something. Dilana: She's kooky and I like her. Gilby liked her too.
By and large, though, the best performance of the night was Dana, the youngest contestant. She did Baba O'Reilly and it was terrific. My prediction is that Toby will be getting the boot this week.

I have had to pee for more than hour now and every time I attempt to go, someone either calls me or the bathroom is in use. Now, I have to pee so bad I'm going to have to do the Holdin' It Dance across the sales floor. It won't be pretty.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Russell's Ramblings

Russell, our maintenance manager, is in my office rambling on and on and on. And on. You know that scene in Forrest Gump where Bubba goes on and on about how to cook shrimp? Well, I am not sure what Russell is talking about because I tuned him out hours ago. He was saying something about "People's Court", then something about his mom's stove not working and some problems with Sears, then something about how long it takes to fly to England, then something about a smelly guy on the bus, then something about oh, I don't know. It was so quiet this morning. Bossman didn't come in and no one is around to bug me, so ahhhhh, I got to relax and do my job.
Now he's watching the people and making nasty comments. OH MY GOD!!!
I'd toss him out, but Russell is the sensitive type who gets his feelings hurt if a person says, "Please, for the love of all that is sacred and holy, shut up!"
I have a sinus headache and I can't listen.