Monday, January 28, 2008

Excuse my back fat

Helena Handbasket requested I show my other five tattoos. So here goes.
First of all, let me tell you it's damn near impossible to take a picture of your own back. Plus, I'm huge. Also, I have vericose veins. Don't judge me.

My first tattoo:
I was 28 or 29 and still lamenting a bad breakup. I had to work with my ex and he had just gotten married or was about to (a year after we broke up, mind you). The ex was violently against women having tats, so I kind of did this as an FU to him. My friend Patti Zeigler used to doodle this sun all the time, so I had her draw me one. I drove to Coplay, PA, where a nice man named Bear marked me for life.

My second tattoo:
Once upon a time, I wanted to write children's books. I love children's books and have quite a collection (even though I have no kids and I'm well above that reading level). This little guy is NOT an alien, as many believe. It's Anthony Ant* from book and TV fame. Those are little ants circling my ankle. This was done by Tom Lam in Silverlake.

My third tattoo:
The sun got lonely. I copied the moon from a "Welcome baby" card and added the star, whose smile matches the sun's. Again, done by Tom Lam in Silverlake.

My fourth tattoo:
I love the Rescuers. I love dragonflies. It's Evinrude!!** This was done at Tattoo Mania on Sunset Blvd. I don't know the artist's name. I went there on my lunch hour when I worked at Tower Records (in the record store, not the office). It took an hour and a half and I didn't get fired. Tower was cool that way.

My fifth tattoo:
It's Harold and The Purple Crayon, not a little boy holding his penis. I love Harold, especially when he gets scared and the crayon shakes and he draws an ocean. Or when he draws pies and then draws a moose and a porcupine to help him eat them. This was done by a gal (I think her name is Maya) in Pasadena.

So that's it for now. I have to balance my arms now. Any suggestions?

*They changed the name of this book. The version I have is called "Amazing Anthony Ant." Strange.
**One day at Disneyland, a little child was looking at my tattoos and her father dragged her away. As she was leaving, I heard her say, "But Daddy, it's Eeeeeevinruuude." It was too cute.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

What did you do on Saturday?

"Let's do something stupid," Criss said.*
"Like what?" I replied.
"Let's get tattoos!" she squealed.

So, after much discussion of where to go, we decided on 5150 in North Hollywood (on Laurel Canyon), which was recommended by Artur, who is a douche for not coming with us, but whatever.
Oso, the recommended artist, couldn't fit us in until 6ish, which turned into 7ish as there was a band in there getting tatted. Okay, only two of them were getting anything done, but the whole band was there. And the one guy got an amazing arm tattoo of a murder of crows flying from wrist to elbow with a straight razor on his wrist (not sure about that part).

Finally, it was our turn. Criss went first. She got a velociraptor on her ankle bone.
I think it hurt a little, but the end result was worth it.
I was next and as Criss was paying, I didn't want to get something too pricey. I spent the morning researching. I asked Annika and The Roy for advice, but in the end, I went with something different. See, I was going to choose a dragon (my Chinese zodiac) from the shop's flash panels, but there were no flash panels and the dragons I found in their books just didn't float my boat. Then one of the boys in the band, a little Brit who reminded me of my Daren, showed another guy his tattoo--a dragon on his left shoulder. The friend said, "Oh, yeah, big man. You got a dragon. Everyone has a dragon." I chose to avoid the dragon (No offense, Annika). Plus, this one wasn't very expensive at all. So what did I get?
Yes, it looks like the one needle top isn't matching up with the point; that's partly due to the original picture, but mostly due to my fat arm. Oh, yeah. I'm a badass knitta.

On my way home in torrential rains, I hit the mother of all puddles and I swear I floated to the other side. Jamie was a trooper, though, and got me home without conking out.

*which is not to say that getting tattoos is stupid (I have six of them now) but deciding on a whim on a Friday afternoon is not the smartest thing to do.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Acid rain's got everybody trippin'

Have you noticed you don't hear about acid rain anymore? For some reason, the rain made me think of a Saturday Night Live sketch about two newsmen complaining about pretty boy anchors and they do a twist on the song from "My Fair Lady" with Brad Hall being the Eliza Doolittle-esque character. All I really remembered about it was "Terrain in Maine is stained with acid rain" and "Iranians' pains come mainly from Khomeini." I found it here after much research.

I shared an elevator today with a well-dressed young man (about 25) holding a dirty and well-loved stuffed doll. The man was holding it up to his face and making it talk to him. I glanced over him and smiled nervously and he said, "She's wearing a pig costume. I'm not sure why." He then proceeded to pull off her pig hoodie and show me that she was indeed wearing a costume. Ohhh-kay. P4--My floor! Phew.

On my way to Smart & Final, I saw a poor guy standing outside a tax preparation place dressed like Uncle Sam. It was raining and he looked miserable, so I waved at him. On my way back, he was joined by the Statue of Liberty, who, I realized a minute after I drove by, was a man complete with moustache. It reminded me of Guillermo from the Jimmy Kimmel show.

So, I couldn't help wondering what had gotten into everyone today. I'm blaming the acid rain.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Having grown up in the Northeast, I can honestly say I have driven on roads entirely coated in ice and felt safer than I did on my way home tonight. Holy Crap! It's WATER, people!

And I'm none too pleased about the temperature, either.

What insomniacs do

Apparently, in my neighborhood, insomniacs power wash the sidewalks--at 3:00 in the morning!!

I got home from work late last night, having stayed to prep for an early morning meeting. I got to bed around Midnight and had to be up at 5:30. So imagine my surprise when, at 3:00am, I was jolted awake by a horrific sound. I looked out the window and there in front of my house was a man in a yellow vest power washing the sidewalk. I saw a gas truck up the street, so I suppose there was some sort of leak, but hells bells--3:00!! In the morning!!!

Oh, and all the crap he sprayed off the sidewalk is now stuck to the passenger side of my car. Oh Happy Me!

Monday, January 21, 2008


I got my hair did.
I got it dyed, too.
(it looks redder in the photo than it actually is)

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Stalked by the Stars

You know that email that went around "You know you're from LA if,..."? One of the items went something like "that person who looks like a star probably is." Well, I was in Vons today picking up some bread, milk, and soup. As I was checking out the mini cakes, I noticed some guy in a flannel shirt checking me out. I glanced up and he looked me right in the eyes. I mean, none of that "oh I got caught; let me pretend I was looking at something else" action--right in the eyes. I smiled nervously and walked over to the bread. I chose my bread and turned to move on to the soup aisle, and there he was again. He looked away. I saw him again in the soup aisle. Then the frozen food aisle. Oh my God, This man is stalking me. This disheveled man in jeans, a flannel shirt, faded checkered Vans, with a cart full of wine is stalking me! Help!!

Wait. He seems familiar. Have we met before? Did he work at Tower or the theatre? Is he one of the German's friends? No. He's Sam Rockwell and we just happened to be shopping at Vons at the same time of day. As for the eye contact, I can only imagine that my extreme beauty rendered him temporarily paralyzed and he couldn't look away.

Friday, January 18, 2008


This has been a trying week and I'm so happy it's nearly over. I have lots to do and I'm contemplating working on Monday (a holiday) but honestly, I just don't wanna! I'm so stressed out and nutty right now. I almost threw down with an old woman because of a giant floral display that was sitting in front of the ladies room door. (you don't want to get between me and a toilet when I really have to pee)

I'm tired. I have one more meeting tomorrow morning and then I can relax a little. I really don't want to come in on Monday. I hope I can get some help tomorrow and finish my project so I don't have to.

In other news, because I don't have nearly enough to do, I joined a dishcloth swap and learned how to knit mitered squares. Woo Hoo! I'm not right in the head.

*Thank God It's Almost Friday (although technically it is..1:12am)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Nothing was accomplished...except the key

I waited for Tami to call this morning so I could go get her copy of my house key. She called at noonish to tell me she was up. I puttered about to find something to wear, then drove out to Pasadena to meet Tami. Her car is acting up, so she wanted to drop it at the dealership for repairs, so I followed her to the bank and then followed her to the dealership, although I promptly lost her at Colorado and whatever street is right next to Pasadena City College. I found the dealership, only to discover that the repair shop isn't open on Sunday. [I know--duh--but Tami said they were open Sundays before]

From there we drove to OSH to get keys made on and then on to Carls Jr for lunch. Jamie was so not happy about all the driving around and started acting cranky on the 110 just before Stadium Way. I sweet talked her the rest of the way home. But I didn't get my laundry done. And I can't go to Jaclyn's house.

Tomorrow I have to call the window guy and possibly call Frau PITA to tell her the window is broken in the first place (or not...I don't need another lecture). I really need to stay home from work to deal with this, but I can't because we have meetings every freakin' day this week.

But hey, here's a photo of the ski mask in it's unfinished condition...hand over the day off and no one gets hurt.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Could this day suck any more?

I had to work today from 7:00am until 3:30pm at a conference at the Wilshire Grand Hotel. The Wilshire Grand's parking is Valet Only. So, after a very long and exhausting day which saw me awake a full six hours before I would normally get up on a Saturday, I waited patiently for the valet to bring my car and drove home. I hit the 110, which was slightly annoying, and then the 101, which was a parking lot. I didn't feel like sitting, so I got off the freeway in Echo Park, only to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic on Sunset Blvd.

Before leaving the hotel, I drank two glasses of Diet Coke. I didn't stop in the ladies room before I left because I was anxious to get home and thought, "It's a short drive." Naturally, by the time I got home, I had to pee--badly. I stopped to get the mail out of the mailbox and then went to open my front door. But wait...WHERE'S THE KEY?? My key chain must have come apart at the valet and my house key fell off. Tami has a spare key, but she was working in West Hills until 1am. Crap! Frau PITA doesn't have a key. Stinkin' Crap! I have a key to Tami's house in Pasadena, but it's upstairs on my work key chain. Great Balls of Crap!

No longer able to hold it, I peed my pants. Don't judge me! I checked all around my car, in my car, under my car, and the key was nowhere to be found. I had no choice but to break into my own apartment. Fortunately, or not, my front door is covered in windows and there was a brick in the front yard. Unfortunately, It was shift change for the cops across the street and I swear as soon as one left another came in, so that I had to wait at least 30 minutes before I could do anything. Finally, I was able to take brick to glass. I only meant to break a corner and it was going well, until I tried to make the hole just a tiny bit bigger, when--oops--I tapped a bit too hard.

Having cleaned myself up, I set upon the task of covering the hole temporarily. I thought at first I could tape a CD jewel case would cover it, but the hole turned out to be too big. I measured it--8 x 12 exactly! "I have an 8 x 12 picture frame. I'll use that glass," I thought, as is my genius. But the glass in an 8 x 12 frame is actually larger than 8 x 12.
Now, I have to get my key from Tami first thing in the morning, call the window repair folks, do laundry, and so much more. Crap on a Stick! I finally settled on cardboard taped extra tight. I have bells on my door so that if anyone tries to break in, I'll hear it, and hopefully, I can get it fixed on Monday. Son of a Seasick Crap Turtle!

So I have to ask, what did I do to deserve the God-awful week I've had?

Friday, January 11, 2008

And it just gets better

The Access database I needed to create reports this morning didn't survive great computer swap of '08. So, I had to wait until the MIS Director could get me squared away to get any of that work done. Then, while I was compiling things, my computer just shut down. Just like that...


I screamed! I called the Data Wizard, Allen, but he was gone for the day. And then, like magic, it came back. Hmm...curious. It was a very frustrating day in a very frustrating week.
Next week shouldn't be any better, but I really hope it's not worse.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Calgon, take me away

It's one of those days. I haven't had two seconds to think for myself all day--except now--and I'm ready to scream really, really loud. My giant shipment came in and the delivery truck didn't have a lift, so we had to unload the truck ourselves and bring them up to the 8th floor ourselves. Great! Fortunately, it was early enough in the day that there were plenty of able bodies to assist in the endeavor.

You know what? I think I will scream--just as soon as the receptionist comes back and I can go out to my car. I think I need to hit a Happy Hour today.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Productivity dips...or not...I'm not sure anymore

For the past two days, I have chosen to ignore the morning alarm. Yesterday, I lay semi-awake hitting snooze for an hour and deliberately choosing to NOT get up for work. When I finally did, the water was off (see yesterday's post) and I was consequently late for work. Today, again, deliberately ignored the alarm. Next thing I knew, it was 8:00, I had to rush to get dressed, iron a pair of pants, do something with my hair, and left 20 minutes later with a deep pillow crease from my hairline to my jaw which didn't fade until 10:00ish.

As soon as I got in, I was on the phone ordering lunch for a meeting, driving over to Smart & Final for snacks and beverages for said meeting, popping buckets of popcorn also for said meeting, setting up the conference room, waiting for the lunch to be delivered, making copies, breaking up ice for the drinks and generally not having two minutes to think until 12:40.

So, while I was busy as all get out all morning, I don't feel particularly productive. My desk is still a mess. I still haven't finished the filing that I started last week. I haven't secured breakfast for the board meeting in two weeks. I haven't edited the minutes from the last committee meeting and there's another on Thursday. Where has my motivation gone? Where is my vim and vigor ? Why can't I drag my ass out of bed in the morning?

I need more coffee.

Monday, January 07, 2008

In which water rules my life

It all started on Saturday with the whole Frau PITA extravaganza.

Sunday, it rained almost non-stop, so I stayed on the sofa snug as a bug instead of doing laundry. I did venture out briefly, when the rain had stopped, to Pizza Hut, only to have the rain start up in spades just as I was leaving the restaurant. Poo!

Today the DWP turned off our water in order to install a new water meter, which meant I had to wait to shower and was late for work. Double Poo!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

The productivity continues

I knuckled down and got some much needed filing done, including a complete overhaul of the filing system for Board of Directors business; made phone calls; solved a mystery that had been plaguing me since early December (Senator Romero, not Gonzales); All this and I still managed to catch up with Amber on such topics as "Gossip Girl" and "Crowned."

Then, because I'm never happy unless I have at least three projects going at the same time, at SnB tonight I cast on for this mask for a friend of mine. I'm modifying it a bit, but don't think I won't make this version for myself for next Halloween. It's just too awesome for words. Having cast on at 7:00ish, and taking a break to visit my boyfriend* at the Banana Leaf with Annika, I'm done with the ribbing and on to the actual face portion. I'll have this done in no time!

I don't know where I'm getting all this new found motivation because I woke up today sooooo tired I just rolled over and slept another 3o minutes. I'm not going to argue; I really need to finish a lot of projects in a short amount of time.

*To be clear, the guy at Banana Leaf is not really my boyfriend. I commented that I was strangely attracted to him and Annika and I decided he must be a musician (because of his hair and because that's my m.o.), and we now refer to him as my boyfriend. His super nice personality preceeds him; one of my friends at work was talking about "this really nice guy at that Singapore restaurant" and I beat her up. (not really) (I may have threatened though)

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Back in the New Year's Groove

As much as I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning, I'm kind of glad that I did. I've had a productive day and really feel like I've accomplished something. Is this the beginning of a trend? A more productive and organized me in 2008? Doubtful, but I feel good today and that's all that matters.

And speaking of productive, after pretty much wasting the whole day on the Internet yesterday, I sat down at 6:30pm and cast on for a pair of fingerless mitts for the third time. I couldn't get a good gauge no matter how many needle sizes I went up, so I just added more stitches in multiples of six and by 11:00pm I was past the cuff and the set up round and into my first lace repeat. Woo Hoo! Again, I'm hoping this carries through all year. Mom always said that whatever you do on January 1st, you'll do for the rest of the year. So, I'm going to spend too much time on the Internet, neglect the laundry pile, and knit like a fiend. Yeah!

Happy New Year!!