Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Valley girls

This won't be funny to anyone outside of the group of my class, but it's just cracking me up.
I could try to explain the reasoning behind this, but, well, let's just say we're the cool kids and the rest of the school can only aspire to our level of coolness.

The B man, The Princess and me

I have to get faster with this camera. I stepped off the 105 at Beverly and came face to face with a man peeing right there against the wall of the Sofitel Hotel. By the time I got the camera ready, he had turned to face me and I had to pretend I was taking pictures of the flowers or something. Pity, 'cause nothing dresses up a blog entry like a homeless man's wang.

So, the 14 came and it was empty. Since everyone else had bum-rushed the Rapid Bus, I was all alone. Just me and Beret Man. I tried to be sneaky and snap a photo of the elusive prey, but he kept glancing back at me in his rearview. Instead, I pulled out my knitting and got even more dirty looks. Hey Pal! This ain't the airport. I'm allowed to having knitting needles. KNITTING IS NOT A CRIME!

Okay, so anywho, it started to fill up and this little princess got on with her mom. She was carrying a faux Louis V. handbag. Mom was handing her snacks from a bag as soon as Princess snapped her fingers. Princess was about 8 years old. At one point, the back doors didn't close all the way and the bus couldn't move forward. B.Man tried to jar them into position to know avail. Finally, he got up and came back to manually fix the doors. While B.Man was doing the revving and jarring action, Princess got this panicked look on her face and started crying and whimpering, "Mommy, Mommy...". What the ****? So the bus is stalled. Is that really a reason to cry and panic? I actually put down the knitting to watch her because it was such an inappropriate reaction.

Part two, Valley Girls coming soon....

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Brit is back

Hooray. My friend Sue has returned from England so I don't have to ride the #14 with Beret Man by myself. Beret Man (Sue says Berry Man 'cause she's English) is the meanest bus driver ever. He wears a beret (hence the name) and barely pauses at the stop long enough for a person to make it up the first two steps before he's hauling ass down Beverly Blvd again. And he's rude. Seriously rude. Last February or so, it was pouring like the dickens and BM paused at my stop on Park View long enough for me to get off, but started up while my backpack was still in the doorway. This caused my backpack to be pulled from my back and plopped into a giant puddle on the side of the road. All of my books were wet and I spent the rest of the semester studying from a warped text book. I curse that beret wearing son of a .....
So, one day, Sue stopped after showing her pass to read his driver information card and wrote down his ID number. The next day, Beret Man was wearing a baseball cap. I guess he thought he was incognito that way. Now when he sees her get on, he's very considerate. Well, considerate compared to his regular demeanor. While Sue was gone, the jerk drove right past me while I was standing at the stop. JERK! I have no photos of Beret Man. He scares me.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Weekend Update

Yesterday was the Hollywood Christmas Parade. Traffic sucked, annoying toy peddlers were setting up in front of my apartment and random toilets were simply plopped down on sidewalks.

And Big Lots, don't get me started on the lines at Big Lots. All I wanted was some cheap garbage, and Little Debbie snack cakes, but that's it. Oh, and paper towels. Garbage bags, paper towels and snack cakes, that's it. Oh, and look at the price on those......
Okay, so Big Lots is a bad place for me.

I'm cold. It's 69 degrees. I'm a wuss.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Do not operate office equipment under the influence

My brothers drunk faxed me work! Thanks Guys!

The bus driver pulled over in front of Starbucks to pee. He didn't want to pick me up a
Venti Sumatra blend. That's just rude. Oh, I should probably clarify that and say he went inside Starbucks to use their bathroom. He didn't just pee in the street, although I dare say he wouldn't have been the first to do so at that corner.

I have allergy eyes and don't want to work today. Had to walk to Ivar because of the Homeless Hoedown at my regular stop. All the usual suspects were there--Crutch Guy (see photo), Drunken Ho, Projectile Vomiter, Recycler, and a few guest stars, Close Talker, HomoHomeless, and The Unknown Unknown Comic. They seemed a little rowdy, so I felt it was best to avoid the fray.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Oh yeah

Special thanks to the staff of the Sunset stores who brought me cake and fun animal paper plates, even if they included the tombstone candle that declared that I was over the hill. There day will come, oh yes, it will.

It's my birthday and I'll pout if I want to

Cute guy who works at Hustler was on the bus today. He has eyebrows that make him look perpetually surprised, like this /\ /\ , but his connect, of course. He's kind of hot in a dangerous, possibly Persian way. He always stops at Coffee Bean when we get off the bus. Now, I've been to Hustler and they have some damn fine coffee, which I'm sure employees can enjoy at a substantial discount. So why pay for the coffee at Coffee Bean? hmmm....

So, yeah, it's my birthday and my boss completely forgot, despite the adorable cupcake I drew on the big vacation calendar and the pin I am wearing strategically placed upon my ample bosom that reads "It's my birthday. Who's buying?" Round about 3:30 one of the guys came into the office to wish me a Happy and the boss sheepishly said, "oh, I'm sorry. I forgot". Well, he's not alone. My father sent a Happy Thanksgiving email, but no birthday mention. Nothing from my mother yet, or the two out of three brothers who aren't in jail. Naturally my darling sister emailed me and my closest friends remembered. I don't care if I sound six. I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Now, seriously, who's buying?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yak & spew

I've grown accustomed to my usual homeless friends. There's Crutch Guy, Down-and-out-Iggy-Pop Guy, The Recycler and Drunken Ho. Today, a new guy was visiting. A new guy who obviously can't handle his liquor at 8am. A new guy who projectile vomited all over Sunset Blvd in rush hour traffic for five minutes. I quickly walked to the next stop so as to avoid any wafting of the smell, which I'm sure was lovely.