Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It's been a most trying time

My apologies for being away so long. I've had a series of back-to-back meetings day after day for the past two weeks and when I'm not in a meeting, I'm preparing for the meetings--ordering the lunch, setting up the room, gathering materials, making packets, etc. Add to this that our company's big annual fundraiser is just around the corner and you get one stressed out Laurie Ann.

Do you remember the comic strip "Bloom County"? It is one of my all-time favorites. One of my favorite strips is an early one in which a Hare Krishna tries to solicit a donation from Opus. See below. You may have to click on it to make it large enough to read.

I totally felt like that Hare Krishna today. Here's a conversation that occurred between a co-worker and me.

Coming around the corner, our heroine spots the elusive, ninja-like IT tech guy, Allen, and seizes the opportunity to inform him of a delivery.

Me: Allen, we got two more boxes of those computer cords. They're in the lobby.
Allen: Computer cords?
Me: Yeah, you know that box that came in on Monday? From Flexi-something?
Allen: Monday?
Me: Yes. It came in on Monday and David put it in the file storage room. Go look at it.
Allen: [blank stare]
Me: Go see what box I'm talking about, or just go out to the lobby and get those two.
Allen: lobby?
Me: Yes, the lobby. You know, where the receptionist is? It's not that big an office.
Allen: huh?
Me: [in the most exasperated tone you can possibly imagine] OH MY GOD, ALLEN! Just go get the boxes from the lobby and do something with them!!

Our heroine storms back to her office in frustration. Tech Ninja walks away chuckling. Asshole.

Later, I was talking to a friend in my office, facing the door, when I saw Allen walking by and doing a strange lunge move. I watched him a for a few minutes with a quizzical dog-looking-at-a-ceiling-fan expression until my friend said, nonchalantly, "practicing his bowling moves. You'd think he'd be better at it." And we're the normal ones on our floor.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A Weekend Quickie

Today's WikiHow feature was "How to Care for a House Rabbit." This is the picture that accompanied the article.
Hmmm, this doesn't seem like appropriate rabbit care to me.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Fun with Trademarks

What did you do yesterday? I read an 700 page report to make sure no one else held a trademark whose name and/or goods and services could be confused with the one we're trying to get trademarked. You know what I found? There are some fun trademarks out there. Here are just a few.

The "Was this really necessary?" award: "Suite Moses and Lo, I shall send them a leader of firm resolve and fearless brow songs of Freedom, Faith & Fortitude!!" [sic]
I mean, honestly, did they think someone else was going to jump on that?

The Clever Pun award: "Doggie Styles: Designs for Canines" It's a little obvious but it made me giggle. I just think of the salesclerk answering the phones.

The Low Self Esteem award: "Aesthetically Pleasing Interior Decorating & Design" When you want something nice but you don't really need the best in the business. I mean, you're not looking for flashy or Better Homes and Gardens quality, just something to keep your mother-in-law off your back. Maybe they're just incredibly humble.

The "Pinky & The Brain" moment award: "I have an idea and the only thing missing is Mims Landscaping & Design, Inc" It's just so random. It totally reminds me of something Brain would say.

Also fun are the design descriptions for logos. I think this is my favorite by far: "Grotesque men formed by letters, numbers, punctuation or geometric shapes." Now there's some letterhead I want to see.

Today was not nearly as entertaining.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Electric Laundry Land

What a bizarre yet uneventful weekend. I was sitting at home Saturday night, knitting and watching "Pillow Talk," that Rock Hudson/Doris Day classic. Have you seen it? You know the scene where Rock drags Doris out of bed and carries her across town in a blanket? Why an electric blanket? It served no purpose and the cord dragging behind them the whole way bugged me. But, I digress. So, I'm sitting there knitting and I got up to get a drink of water only to find my kitchen bathed in a bright white light. Alien abduction? Rapture? Nope, police helicopter spotlighting my backyard. And it circled and spot lighted my yard for over 40 minutes. I was kind of scared to go into the kitchen. There's lots of windows in there and Lord knows I don't want to get caught in any cross fire should shit go down. So I remained thirsty until the helicopter was gone, although, truth be told, I was still a little nervous. I mean, what if the person they were looking for was real stealthy and well hidden but then decided I may have seen them and decided to shoot me anyway. It could happen.

On Sunday, I ventured off to my favorite laundromat. The owner is such a sweet man. He gave me a free bottle of Downy because I'm a good customer and put quarters in my dryer to keep it going. Anyway, I'm minding my own business watching my clothes get sudsy when Douchenozzle McHipster shuffles past (wearing flip flops--I hate when people can't walk in flip flops) and yells at his wife, " Where's the blueberries?" I don't know whether they had been to the Farmer's Market earlier or if she forgot to pack them or what, but he proceeded to call her stupid and go on about the stinkin' blueberries all the while doing his Shaggy shuffle in his damn flip flops and eating a salad sans berries.

A little later, I was folding my clothes and Mr. and Mrs. McHipster proceed to start arguing. She was a soft talker, but he, well, he practically had a bullhorn attached to his mouth. I was pretty near the Mrs. and couldn't hear half of what she said, but radio free Europe could hear Douchenozzle. There were accusations of infidelity and mean hateful words. "Why do you always ruin my day? Why don't you just move out already?" It went on for, I swear, 30 minutes or more. All of my clothes were dry before they finally left the building. Honestly, could you think of a more inappropriate place to have what should be a private discussion? It was so uncomfortable. It's not like I could leave or move to another area of the laundromat. It was the only folding table available. And really, why should I have to leave? They should have the decency to discuss private stuff in private.

After they left, another couple came in with the cutest little Manchester Terrier. Five minutes in they started bickering. Note to couples: Don't do laundry together! Apparently, it's a breeding ground for ill feelings. The second couple smooched and made up pretty quickly, but the McHipsters, well, I see a divorce in their future.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Movies on the Pier

Last night, I joined some friends at the Santa Monica pier for "Movies on the Pier." The movies are absolutely free (you have to pick up tickets at various locations; follow the link) and there's even free popcorn and water courtesy of Verizon. It got mighty chilly, so I recommend sweatshirts, blankets, and folding chairs. Also, the park is open so the roller coaster was running throughout the night adding squeals to the soundtrack, as well as the flash from the photos taken at the bottom of the coaster and the starbursts of the Ferris wheel. It wasn't entirely distracted but it was noticeable at the quiet parts of the film.

Last night's film was "The Princess Bride," one of my favorite movies of all time. It was so much fun to see it with a giant crowd, most of whom knew all the best lines and cheered for the good parts (Billy Crystal got a round of applause). The next three movies are Hairspray (2007), Fuel, and--I'm so excited about this--Ferris Bueller's Day Off!!

I'll see you there!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

OMG, You hate me, I know.

Honestly, I've had one of those weeks where absolutely nothing blogworthy happens. I will share with you this Savage Chicken cartoon, because I found it delightful because I like Dylan Thomas and the little robot at the top saying "Word."
And I will share with you this small tale of saving money and when you really shouldn't scrimp. So, in an effort to not end up broke a week before payday, I visited the 99 Cent store to see which, if any, of my "Target items"I could get there. It turns out, quite a lot. I picked up some antiperspirant,apple sauce snack packs for lunch, rice, pasta, a knife for work, dishtowels, napkins, and the steal of all time, a shower curtain--for 99 cents! I mean, it goes on the inside anyway, behind the pretty cloth curtain that everyone else sees, so how good does it have to be? Well, my friends, I'm here to tell you that the shower curtain liner is one of those things that you probably should spend the extra $5 on. Why? Because the $5.99 clear shower liners at Target have magnets on the bottom. The cheapo one from the dollar store does not. I don't think I ever fully appreciated the beauty of magnets on the bottom of the shower curtain until I took a shower with my new curtain and ended up with it tangled around my legs and sticking to my wet body, leaving the sides open to get water all over the floor. Yes, magnets are our friends. Now I'm forced to be all ghetto and use kitchen magnets to hold it down.

Oh, speaking of ghetto, my backyard neighbor has put up folding screens around his back porch for privacy. Except they aren't folding screens. They are folding closet doors...which he removed from his closet...leaving the rollers attached to the top making no effort whatsoever to disguise the fact that he's using his closet doors.

This may be TMI, but ever since I washed it, my underwire bra is squeaking like someone sitting on a wicker chair. Has this happened to anyone else? It's kind of loud and embarrassing. It squeaks every time I move. Reach for a pen (squeak); turn to answer the phone (squeak). I told my boss that maybe I could learn to move my boobs just so to create music. Now that would be something to get me on America's Got Talent, right? Or the Gong Show (if it were still on) (I miss the Gong Show) (Oh, and remember the $1.98 Beauty Pageant?)

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Still Sick

My head cold has migrated to my chest. Lung ninjas have set up a dojo. I took a sick day today. I'll try to have something interesting to say soon.