A Nod To Annika

Apparently, I'm an infrequent blogger. Perhaps if I had some stinking internets at home I'd do more. Then you'd all be bored to distraction and would stop reading me. I'm of the "less is more" philosophy. Besides, if I'm on the list, it should be DDD-List.

Not the twins!!!

Pardon this moment of "America's Next Top Model" ranting:

Last week it was Michelle and this week Amanda. What is Miss Getting-heftier-by-the-minute Banks thinking? I know what she's thinking...she's thinking of the old "split the vote" trick. Yep, I saw it on Little House On The Prairie when I was 10, and in several TV shows and movies since. She wants Eugenia to win. So here's how Tyra is thinking--We have Melrose (blonde), CariDee (blonde), and Eugenia (black). Twiggy votes for CariDee. Nigel, still bitter over whatever it was CariDee said to him in the bullfighting photo shoot, will vote for Melrose. Miss Jay will swing however Tyra wants him/her to, so Eugenia is a shoo-in.

Eugenia is admittedly very pretty, but certainly not prettier than any number of models already on the scene. But the twins--ah, the twins were unique in their pencil-thin, stick-figure awkwardness. I loved them both, but I should admit that Michelle was my favorite. Even still, Amanda was sweet and she tried really hard. On last night's show, the girls had to Flamenco dance. From the start she was 8 kinds of awkward, but she tried. She stayed up late and practiced her long, gangly legs off. And in the challenge, the dance instructer complimented her on her improvement. You just wanted to hug her hard, but not too hard because her bones might snap.

Sadly, we're left with Blah, Blech, and Dear God, don't inflict that on the modelling world.
I do have to say that I was happy to see someone acknowledge that Melrose "I'm 23 but I look 40" is an unmitigated ass kisser and that CariDee is a drama queen. Thank God, next week is the finale.

I'm mad & blogging via phone.

Stupid phone company! No one showed up so I still don't have an internet connection.
Stupid neighbors and their stupid secured wireless networks.

Ellen Guessed Correctly!

I was down at SC (as the cool kids say it, and incidentally, the delicious Timothy Olyphant's alma mater) for a conference. My organization was bringing the refreshments. This meant my ass was up at 5:00--IN THE MORNING!!!!! As Bart Simpson would say, "They have a 5:00 in the morning now?" It was rough climbing out of my cozy warm bed, but I did it.

I forgot fruit, so I stopped at Ralphs. The fruit trays were expired and the produce gal was pulling them off the shelves. I actually contemplated getting them anyway, but I don't really need to poison anyone while I'm still new on the job.

Then, the crack staff at Starbucks didn't have my four coffee boxes ready to go. Said the girl behind the counter, "Um, it's going to be about 30 minutes?" It's not a question, child. You see, I ordered them to be ready at 7:30 because I needed them to be READY at that time. In actuality, it only took 20 minutes, and I managed to make it to the conference area in plenty of time.

Now I'm sleepy and hungry. Hmmm...what to get for lunch...

Where in the world?

Guess where Laurie is?

How I cried in front of a handsome police officer and now I feel like a fool

I had a goal--go to Target, do laundry, and be home before the stupid Hollywood Christmas Parade started. I had five hours. I had a list. It should have been easy. SHOULD have been...

I needed four things from Target: eye makeup remover, toilet paper, a shower curtain liner, and an electric blanket. Don't laugh! It was cold in my house this weekend and...

(to the tune of "Horse With No Name")

I live in the ghetto in a house with no heat,

it feels good just to warm up your sheets.

In the ghetto, you don't remember a flame

because there ain't no furnace for to give you no flame.

Anyway, I left Target without the shower curtain liner, but with a pretty new lipstick, a heated mattress pad (it was cheaper) and some adorable sheets.

I like the French gnome the best.

Off to do laundry. The manager at the laundromat is super nice and always offers to help me to and from the car with my baskets of clothes. Yesterday, he bought everyone a Snapple. I, in turn, amazed him with my awesome knitting skills as I wielded my double-pointed needles. Then I remembered that I forgot the liner. Arrgh!

Done with laundry, and James and Brian (two obnoxious kids who kept running around calling, "Ma, Ma, Ma...Ma") are still alive. Off to Rite Aid to quickly get a liner and hurry home before the insanity. It was 2:45 and the parade started at 5:00. Who knew they'd start closing streets so soon?

I had to go west for three blocks, then south for three blocks, then east for ten blocks, then north and west again until I found a street without barricades. I finally got to my street and it was packed because of the closures on the east/west streets in our district. Everyone was parked on my street. At this point, I was too warm, frustrated, on the verge of an asthma attack, and I had to pee. The last straw was the parking enforcement car parked in the last viable space on my street. They have a whole parking lot across the street!!!

Cue the handsome parking officer walking to his car like he's going to leave. I got happy! Then he opened the door, took out his radio, and walked back across the street. I got sad. So sad that I started to cry. A lot. And loudly.

He came over and asked if I was okay. I told him, between sobs, that I just wanted to park and I live right there and I have a trunk full of laundry and I can't breathe and I, I...I gave up trying to control my tears. He sweetly patted my shoulder and asked me to smile for him. I tried but I can only imagine how ghastly I looked. Then he told me he would move his car just for me. I thanked him profusely, parked, thanked him again while avoiding eye contact, then hurriedly carted my things inside to die of embarrassment.

Yippee!

For those of your worried about my lack of frequent updates, I now have a laptop and as of November 29th, I should have internets at home. Woo Hoo!!!
I'm so excited I could pee.