Monday, November 27, 2006

How I cried in front of a handsome police officer and now I feel like a fool

I had a goal--go to Target, do laundry, and be home before the stupid Hollywood Christmas Parade started. I had five hours. I had a list. It should have been easy. SHOULD have been...

I needed four things from Target: eye makeup remover, toilet paper, a shower curtain liner, and an electric blanket. Don't laugh! It was cold in my house this weekend and...


(to the tune of "Horse With No Name")
I live in the ghetto in a house with no heat,
it feels good just to warm up your sheets.
In the ghetto, you don't remember a flame
because there ain't no furnace for to give you no flame.

Anyway, I left Target without the shower curtain liner, but with a pretty new lipstick, a heated mattress pad (it was cheaper) and some adorable sheets.

I like the French gnome the best.
Off to do laundry. The manager at the laundromat is super nice and always offers to help me to and from the car with my baskets of clothes. Yesterday, he bought everyone a Snapple. I, in turn, amazed him with my awesome knitting skills as I wielded my double-pointed needles. Then I remembered that I forgot the liner. Arrgh!
Done with laundry, and James and Brian (two obnoxious kids who kept running around calling, "Ma, Ma, Ma...Ma") are still alive. Off to Rite Aid to quickly get a liner and hurry home before the insanity. It was 2:45 and the parade started at 5:00. Who knew they'd start closing streets so soon?
I had to go west for three blocks, then south for three blocks, then east for ten blocks, then north and west again until I found a street without barricades. I finally got to my street and it was packed because of the closures on the east/west streets in our district. Everyone was parked on my street. At this point, I was too warm, frustrated, on the verge of an asthma attack, and I had to pee. The last straw was the parking enforcement car parked in the last viable space on my street. They have a whole parking lot across the street!!!
Cue the handsome parking officer walking to his car like he's going to leave. I got happy! Then he opened the door, took out his radio, and walked back across the street. I got sad. So sad that I started to cry. A lot. And loudly.
He came over and asked if I was okay. I told him, between sobs, that I just wanted to park and I live right there and I have a trunk full of laundry and I can't breathe and I, I...I gave up trying to control my tears. He sweetly patted my shoulder and asked me to smile for him. I tried but I can only imagine how ghastly I looked. Then he told me he would move his car just for me. I thanked him profusely, parked, thanked him again while avoiding eye contact, then hurriedly carted my things inside to die of embarrassment.

8 comments:

Annika said...

Oh, honey.

But I must say, if I knew crying would get me a parking spot I'd have tried it a long time ago.

Sachi said...

That has got to be the cutest story ever!

Abby Hansen said...

You are skilled, sister.
Even if the tears were real, you got your parking space.
Seriously, tears and tits are what have kept me from getting tickets.

I got a ticket once. In high school.

Use whatever works.

:-)

miss kendra said...

poor laurieann!

that officer was very nice. i'm sorry you had to cry for him to be that way though.

Uccellina said...

Poor rabbit. I've cried in front of all sorts of cute and/or important people. It's kind of What I Do.

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Yer such a wuss. I bet it's the pee what put you over the top. otherwise, you'd be a SOLDIER, like me!!!

Laurie Ann said...

It was most likey the asthma attack that did it. Breathing is very important to me. Oddly, crying is probably the most counterproductive action one can do when facing an asthma attack.

Laurie Ann said...

Oops...I meant "most likely".
I'm sleepy.