I have found my soulmate

Unfortunately, he's back home.

I read the following article on my hometown newspaper's website:

A horse is dead after it was hit by a car in Eldred Township on Thursday afternoon. According to witnesses, a horse got loose from a property on Kunkletown Road just west of Country View Lane around 3 p.m.

A woman — who may have been speeding, according to witnesses — driving east on the road hit the horse when it wandered out onto the road, knocking it back 30 feet. The unidentified horse owner was following the horse in a golf cart, and was hit by the horse in the cart when it was thrown from the road.

Okay, it's kind of sad, but kind of hilarious at the same time.

Then I read the commentary and this one just killed me.

Farmboy3, will you marry me?

No one to blame but myself

I want to thank everyone for the sympathy over my tire situation. It means a lot to me. I realize it was my fault in the first place for not getting the alignment fixed sooner. After all, it's been a year since I hit the pole in the parking garage which caused the alignment issue in the first place.

In other "ain't life grand" news, my poor little car was seconds away from impound, or a good booting at any rate. "Again?" you say. Yes, I am, well, sometimes not the most responsible person. It's a long saga of an expired parking permit compounded by many parking tickets that I couldn't afford. Well, as I was getting into my car on Thursday morning to come to work, a very kind parking enforcement officer pulled up alongside my car and told me, "You know they've been looking for your car?" I said, "They have? It's always here." He then told me that it was supposed to be booted or impounded today and that the other officer parked up the street was waiting to do just that. "I wouldn't park here until you get it taken care of," he warned. I thanked him profusely, because really, they could have been dicks about it, and drove off. I had to borrow money from work (an option I was hoping to avoid unless I found an awesome apartment without a Frau landlady) and go pay the past due parking tickets to save Jamie. I also got a new permit so I could park without fear. Hooray.

Now, I'm at work doing inventory. Well, sort of doing inventory. I can only do so much by myself and the person who said he might help me isn't here yet (and may not show up at all). I have counted what I can but I have big plans for the actual storage room which require manly types to assist me. I shall have to wait until Monday...or Tuesday.

Apparently, the Universe didn't hear me

[or the Universe does not respond to threats]

Last Wednesday, I lamented the many pitfalls of June and asked, nay, threatened July to be a better month. So far, July is not being especially cooperative. I was going to try to drive on the spare (since it was a full-sized Goodyear and all) until mid-week when I could get some money and head to the tire store. But this morning on my way to work, the spare was making a funny noise and a motorcyclist driving alongside of me was looking mighty concerned. At the light he tapped on my window and told me "your tire doesn't look good. You might want to have it checked." So, I drove around the block and up Highland to the Just Tires store and waited for the nice young men to open the doors so I could get a new tire. They took one look at my tire and said, "Uh, yeah, your alignment is way off. Your other tire is ready to blow,too." So, that's two new tires at $103 each, and I had to promise them I'd come back on payday to get my alignment done. Mind you, the money I spent on tires was earmarked for my electric bill. A friend (Thank you!) paid my electric bill on his credit card and I'll pay him back when I get my check. Is it really only July 6th?

Dear July and the Universe in general,
Please accept my apology for that mild threat I issued on July 1st. I understand that you are in no way obligated to "shape up" on my account. If it pleases you, I would be most grateful if you were to ease up a bit on the awful things and maybe even send some goodness and positive humors my way. I will in turn make a concerted effort to be kind and considerate to others and to make the world better.
Thank you,
Laurie Ann

I wouldn't mind being a little dependent

My friend Tina is great. You may remember her from the wedding in Jamaica. Truly awesome gal. Salt of the earth, she is. And her husband Gary? He's a sweetheart and treats her like a princess. Tina and Gary throw terrific parties and game nights and they always invite me, but I often decline. Not that I don't want to hang out with them, because I do. It's just that, well, how can I put this...they live in the freakin' Valley toward Woodland Hills. However, I've been a bad friend, so when Tina asked me to come out for a 4th of July party, I said "Yes, Indeedy. What can I bring?" I brought dessert--festive cupcakes and cookies.

The traffic sucked (of course) and it took an hour to drive from Hollywood to Winnetka in the heat. My ball of yarn tattoo is now a red ball of yarn tattoo. The cupcake frosting melted a bit by the time I arrived but we just put them in the fridge and headed out to the pool area. The party was great and the Holy Handsome neighbor who joined us for pool volleyball made it even better. Seriously, this guy was just ridiculously handsome but also really fun and considerate. And straight! I know!!

Okay, so short story long, the night wound down and I headed out around ten o'clock. I made my way down to the freeway entrance and as I was getting on the freeway, I heard an awful noise. "What is that noise?" I asked Jamie. I popped open the sunroof. "Is there a helicopter overhead? Who's car is making all that noise? It's so loud." Oh, it was my car. The rear passenger side tire had blown out and the awful noise was me riding on the rim until I could get off the freeway, which fortunately, was not that far but still far enough that I'm sure I didn't do it any favors. I called AAA and they sent someone right away. Yes, I know how to change my own tire, but why do that when I pay good money for the AAA service. I'm glad I called, though, because they lug nuts were rusted on there pretty tight. The tire was changed and I was back on the road in no time flat with a full sized spare, no less. Thank you, VW.

Anyway, the point of this story is that it was late and dark as I sat waiting for the mechanic and I couldn't get in touch with Tina to tell her what happened. I was going to call Criss just to have someone to talk to but I remembered she's in Georgia this week. I couldn't call my family since they're all on either Central of Eastern time. And that's when a little self pity crept in. Ordinarily, I'm okay with not having a someone. I'm fairly independent and I'm okay with being alone. But it would have been really nice to have someone to call, someone who was waiting for me to come home and worried, or just someone to come home to so I could say, "You are not going to believe what happened..."

So, pretend y'all are my roommates and I just came home, stormed in the door, tossed my keys on that table inside the door, dropped my back pack by the chair, flopped down and said, "You are not going to believe what happened." (now go back and read the third paragraph and say something encouraging and/or commiserative)

June can suck it! (The month, not anyone named June, whom I'm sure are lovely people.)

If this month were a girl, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. With the rare exceptions of a few lovely evenings out with friends, I have not had fun at all. I feel like I'm playing Monopoly and getting Community Chest cards that say "Bank error NOT in your favor." Or, the game of Life and I'm stuck in the Poor House. Do they still have Poor Houses? What is a Poor House?

Anyway, I was sitting at the computer all happy as a clam because June is over and July starts tomorrow, when I decided to pay some bills online. "Hmmm, what's this?" I thought as I realized that, while I had just been paid and my direct deposit is the same amount all the time, there was noticeably less money in my account than there should be. Now, at the end of May, I made a stupid accounting error which made the beginning of June very painful, monetarily. I know I've been especially careful since then, monitoring my account constantly and making sure I don't spend money I don't have. So, you can imagine my surprise when, upon checking my transactions, I found two that occurred today (while I was working) amounting to $50 which I CANNOT AFFORD RIGHT NOW! Oh, yeah, I'm a little angry. I checked the website where one of the purchases was made and I have never seen this site before in my life. (no, it's not a porn site that I'm covering up) The other one couldn't be checked.

Fortunately, the customer service guy at my bank was kind and understanding and canceled my debit card right away. He said there's nothing I can do about the bad transactions until they are no longer "pending." So, I wait to see what kind of hell I have to go through to get those reversed. Also, I'll have to call all the places with whom I have automatic bill pay and change my account information. And, I'll have to actually go into a bank to get some cash.

Guess who forgot to fill her gas tank on the way to work this morning and can't do it now because she doesn't have a valid debit card? Go ahead, guess. I'll have to take the bus tomorrow, get cash and then fill the car up on Thursday.

July, I'm giving you until after the 4th to shape up.

Quick Bee Update

As per Natalie's suggestion, I looked into the bee rescue possibility. The LA bee guy charges $75 for an easy removal and up to $250 to remove them from a structure. Wah? The Frau won't pay for a real plumber, so she sure as hell isn't going to pay for bee removal. Unfortunately, I can't pay for it either. I'm sure the hive is inside the walls, which would mean cutting into the building. Yikes. Poor bees. I fear for their lives.

Of birds and bees

Birds

I park under a tree most days so it's not surprising that my car is almost always a target for bird poop. Also, I'm somewhat lazy and don't wash my car as often as most folks, so when I found myself agreeing to give someone a ride to Union Station on Wednesday, I panicked--My car!! She's covered in poop (and don't get me started on the debris inside). Fortunately, we have this guy who washes cars on P4 of the parking garage at work. You just drop your car off, tell he when you need it done, and that's it. When I came out Wednesday evening with my passengers, Jamie was fresh and clean (did you know she was green?) and the inside was vacuumed, too.

On Thursday, my friend Criss and I joined a small group of friends to wish betheboy a Happy Birthday at the whiskeylicious Seven Grand downtown (at, you guessed it, 7th and Grand). If you haven't been, you should go. Despite our tragically hip bartender, who worked as if he was auditioning for something, the atmosphere was decidedly not hipster. With all sorts of taxidermy wildlife on the walls, I figured they had to have something in the bathrooms, too. And they did--Crows in pearls. Even the taxidermy is classy.

Bees
About a month ago, I noticed a lot of bees around the front of the house. Shortly thereafter, I noticed they were flying to and from the gap between the building and my front stoop. Thinking nothing of it (bees gotta buzz), I went about my daily comings and goings with nary a care. Then one day, about two weeks ago, Latina Gladys Kravitz greeted me at the door when I came home and pointed out the bees. "Oh, Laurie, do you see the bees?" Yes, I see the bees. "Oh, it's very dangerous. We should call somebody." I told her that the bees were only dangerous if provoked and that if she left them alone, they'd leave her alone. After all, I walk past them every day--twice a day--and have not had an incident. Besides, I told her, the world needs bees and the populations are dwindling. I, for one, am glad to see such a thriving group of bees. She was not appeased.

Today, when I came home from the laundromat, basket full of clothes in hand, she jumped me about the bees again. "Oh, the bees are very bad. They get in my house. Jennifer and her friend had to kill them. They get in her house, too" (meaning the neighbor next door to her) Okay, please refer to the photo above. The bees are literally right next to my door. They swirl around my feet and legs when I come home. And yet I've not had one bee in my apartment since their arrival. Now, if you take a look at this photo from Google......you will notice that the two front doors are pretty far away from the bee hive (on the far right of the house). Why are the bees choosing to go into those apartments and not mine? (psst...I don't believe they are. I think she's lying to make it seem worse because she's a busy body and has to be involved in everything). She also claims that both she and Robbie, the new neighbor, are allergic to bee stings. I find that hard to believe as only about 5% of adults are and what are the chances. So, she called the Frau and told her where the bees are and do you know what Frau said to her? "What's the big deal? They're just bees. Laurie isn't calling me so they can't be that bad." Some days, I like the Frau.