I'm walking. Yes, indeed, I'm walking.

Hey Kids! Laurie Ann is going to put on her sneakers and walk in the United Way's HomeWalk 2010 to End Homelessness on November 13, 2010! I'm going to walk for miles and miles (okay, 3.5 miles) and you can help, too. Please consider donating to the United Way via this portal. I know things are tight for everyone but every little bit helps. The many homeless folks who benefit from the funds raised appreciate any little gift you can give.

Thank you. I shall return to fun and frivolity soon.

Do you have to let it lingrrrrrr

Well, I feel fine for the most part except for this lingering cough. My lungs are relatively clear until I exert myself; then they rattle like there's a Yahtzee game in progress. Oh, why do I have so many obligations when I'm sick? Or, why do I have to be sick when I have so many obligations? I haven't knit a thing in weeks, so (she says cringing) I don't have a costume for tonight's SnB Halloween Party. In case you're wondering, my Animal Spirit (this year's theme) was going to be Porcupine. My friend picked it out for me. She said, "because you can pet a porcupine when it's calm, but if you piss it off, watch out." Yeah, that kind of describes me.

I've just been too busy and too sick to be creative. I was going to bake last night, but I was all doped up and didn't go to the store. I have to go tonight to bake for the office Halloween Potluck. I'll try not to cough into the food and wash my hands thoroughly.

Here's a little earworm for you in honor of my annoying cough.

Relapse

I was feeling better. Sure I still had some lung ninjas, but I could breathe and smell and taste. Then, I went to an event last night at City Hall and spent some time in the night air, sans jacket, pointing out the sweep of the Lindbergh Beacon (we couldn't see the actual beacon, but you see the beam of light sweeping the sky) to our guests. This morning, I could barely breathe and my head feels like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon. And the coughing...whoa is me, the coughing is beyond annoying. What's a girl to do?

If you're me, a girl downloads "Kindle for PC," then "buys" some free books, and curls up on the sofa with a cup of tea and several classics on her laptop. Or not so classic, as the book I'm currently reading is one of those Scottish Highland handsome brute/lusty maiden kind of novels. Hey, I'm sick. I'll save the Proust for another day.

Please send tissues.

It's official. I'm sick.

Stupid Anthony and his stupid voodoo curse.

I woke up with lung ninjas and an overwhelming desire to just sleep the day away. I am officially really, really sick. My nose will not stop dripping. It's quite attractive. I stopped at Rite Aid on the way in to stock up on DayQuil and Halls Plus. I will drink my weight in tea today as I try to muddle through important tasks like updating the website and writing Thank You letters. I see some comedic errors in my future.

Cursed!

Earlier today, one of our offsite folks was in my office looking for cough drops. "Everyone's got a cough today," he said. "Not me!" I declared proudly.

Apparently what he meant was, "Everyone's gotta cough today," because no sooner had he left the building when I started coughing...and coughing and coughing. Jerk! It's quickly becoming some kind of chest cold thing, too. Oh, Anthony, when I get my hands on you....(cough)

Vanity: My Shameful Motivator

Every year, my company hosts a big fundraising gala, and every year I agonize over what to wear. You know me; I'm not a dress-up-pretty kind of girl. I enjoy being girly, but there aren't a whole lot of options for us women of a certain size, which makes the whole process a pain in the arse. And I really hate high-heeled shoes. So, it was with much dread that I watched the event date approach closer and closer.

Finally, on Thursday, I took out one of the two black dresses I own and tried it on. I HATED it. I couldn't have looked frumpier if I'd been wearing a floral print mu mu and fuzzy slippers. Plus, it was positively funereal. What made me purchase this dress in the first place? And why didn't I hate it this much the last time I wore it (two years ago at the big fundraising gala)? My friend Criss had suggested that perhaps I just needed to accessorize. No amount of accessories could improve this dress. I had to do it. Budget be damned, I needed a new dress...and accessories, or course.

I woke up early Saturday morning to get my nails done first thing. One perfect mani/pedi later (in a beautiful royal purple), I was off to the Westside Pavilion to visit my old friend Lane Bryant. Lane and I don't see much of each other on account of her prices being kind of high. I usually only visit when I need a new bra (which, by the way, I do in a desperate way). I scanned the racks, found two suitable black dresses, grabbed a black bra in my size (miracles) and headed to the fitting room. Black bra? A-mazing. No, honestly, this thing should have it's own fan club. It lifts. It separates. It pulls puppies from burning buildings. It has this super Lycra back band that smooths you out. Of the two dresses, one had long sleeves and a funky off center v-neck; one had no sleeves and a flattering cowl. I chose the cowl, even though it would expose my tattoo. Yikes! No one really looks at the people at the registration table anyway.

The lovely gal helping me at LB, Empriss, led me to the Spanx rack, then helped me choose some gorgeous costume jewelry with purple stones. Perfect. I even grabbed an extra bra in nude because the girls need support in two colors. As she began scanning my items a wonderful thing happened--they were all 40% off! Everything!! Is that a choir of angels I hear?

I skipped across the floor to Payless and found a lovely pair of purple suede pumps with a medium heel--in size 11! Damn! They would have been perfect. Instead, I got a comfortable pair of black pumps with a strap and a stockier medium heel (to hold all this beauty). Done! My entire outfit complete and it was only 11:30am. Let me just interject that we're talking less than one hour between the time I left the nail salon and the time I walked out of Payless! I know!! I even had time for lunch and a little window shopping. I'd forgotten how much I like the Westside Pavilion.

Sadly, I do not have any photos of myself in said outfit of wonderfulness. I'm hoping our staff photographer caught a few and if so, I'll share them with you. You'll have to trust me--I was gorgeous, even if my feet were staging a revolt by the end of the night.

One last word about the event--one of the food stations was a mashed potato bar. Think Cold Stone Creamery, but with taters and things like bacon, mushrooms, roasted garlic, salsa, curry, grilled onions, cheese....I could go on. And they served them in martini glasses. It was the most inspired food station I'd ever seen. The mini-panini station was a close second. All of the food was fantastic, I must say.

The Road is Paved

Ah, yes. The men in orange with heavy machinery returned to finish the job.

I wonder how many of my neighbors were towed. They never removed the "No Parking 6am to 6pm" signs, but since the road crew hadn't returned, the neighbors were ignoring the signs. Not me, though.

Oh, and road crews don't get it when you say you're taking a picture for your blog. They just look at you like you have ten heads and go back to shooting the breeze.

Like a POW deep in the jungles, I don't know the war is over

Without getting into details, I looked over a stack of spelling tests today and almost burst into tears. There were 8 words on the test--easy, grade school words. The test giver speaks clearly and enunciates properly. Not one test taker (all high school graduates) did better than 5 correct.

I was lamenting this to my friend, Criss, who often teases me about my obsession with spelling and grammar. I won't apologize! I don't understand how people can take it lying down. Seriously, these were not difficult words. I blame...well, everyone, including myself. There's a billboard down the street that reads, "Redonkulous!" No doubt there will be a generation of kids who think that is the actual spelling of ridiculous (one of the eight words, incidentally, and the one word that NO ONE spelled correctly). In constructing a rant to Criss, I looked up the original "Why Johnny Can't Read" report. Did you know that report came out in 1955?!? The follow up came out in 1983. So, in 55 years since the original, and 27 years since the second, the situation has only gotten worse? I cannot tell you how wracked with guilt I am at not having finished my degree in education. At least then I could rant with authority, knowing that I had done my best to turn the tide.

Criss sent me a link to the Merriam-Webster dictionary online, which included new "words" such as l337 and LOL. There was actually a definition for L.A., but not as "abbreviation for the city of Los Angeles," rather "someone or thing that embraces the culture of Los Angeles. ex 'She is so L.A'." I wish I were kidding. I wrote back to Criss, "I know I'm fighting an uphill battle." She replied, "The battle is over, Laurie. Webster threw up the flag but you were too deep in the trenches to get the memo."

Having recently watched The Book of Eli, I have to say if we ever end up in some dystopian future I will save as many books as possible and teach the next generations how to read and write the proper way. Who's with me?

*sad footnote: Spellcheck offered me "ridiculous" as an alternative to "redonkulous." Et tu, Spellcheck?

The Freaky (Possible) Return of the Rastafarian

Longtime readers and friends may recall that a while back I had a neighbor who I referred to as "Rasta Pasta" for his Rastafarian nature...and it rhymed. He lived in the back of the house in a single and was very odd and very antagonistic. He once got into a fist fight with one of the neighbors which ended comically when the neighbor's girlfriend started beating him with her shoe. He locked access to the backyard, claiming it as his own personal domain, and generally made things interesting. Oddly, while he fought with pretty much every person who ever lived here, he was always nice to me.

Tonight, around 7:30, I went out to run a quick errand and move my car. While I was locking my front door, I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. I watched as a man, a man who looked very much like Rasta Pasta, walk slowly past the house. I stood and watched him and was so sure it was him, I almost called his name. I don't know what I would have said to him if I had, but the urge was strong. Instead, I walked up the street to my car. As I was opening the car door, I noticed the man (Rasta?) had turned around and was walking back up the street towards me. He was looking right at me and walking in the middle of the road where the yellow line would be if my street weren't ripped up. And I kind of panicked. Why? I don't know.

And this is kind of the freaky part. I got in the car, started it, drove to the corner and waited to pull into traffic watching him in my rear view mirror the whole time--and he never moved! He was walking at a steady pace but he never seemed to get any closer. And he watched me the whole time in the most unsettling way. Finally, I took a risk and pulled out in front of a bus just to get away from him. Creepy.

I lack discipline

That's right. I'm not afraid to admit it. I cannot bring myself to do the things I don't like to do. From cleaning (when my back pension comes in, I'm hiring a maid) to filing, I will find a million other things that are more important (read: fun) than the necessary task at hand. That is why I spent the whole day at work and I'm still staring at a pile of papers in my filing box. And it's not like I didn't do actual work all day. I really did. It's simply not the work I set out to do when I entered the building today. sigh.

Hey, tomorrow I'm going to attempt laundry and cleaning my bedroom. One of these things will not get done. I'll let you guess which one.

See Red Items

There was a meeting early this morning, as happens quarterly. A subcommittee decided they needed to meet even earlier. Earlier than Stupid O'clock? Unheard of! Well, that meant I had to be at work even earlier to open up, meet the caterers, set up the conference phone, etc. Since I've yet to figure out how to be in two places at once, I entreated a co-worker to help me out by picking up the Starbucks. Wait a minute, let me tell you about that...(imagine the scratch of a needle drawn across an LP)

I ordered the catered breakfast for the meeting and for some reason this time the caterer gave me an itemized invoice. It usually just says, "breakfast for 20." I couldn't help noticing that "OJ and Coffee" costs $80. What? So I asked. I was told, "well, the orange juice is hand squeezed." By the Baby Jesus??? I cannot justify spending that much for coffee and OJ, so I canceled that portion and went to Ralphs for the OJ ($2.99) and ordered Starbucks ($24 for two travelers). Less than $30, yo! However, the earlier meeting time prevented me from going to Starbucks and opening the office for the food delivery, so...

Co-worker apparently did not share my sense of urgency and my "Please pick up the coffee at 7:30" fell on deaf ears. No coffee for the subcommittee! The caterer decided that if my 7:30 call time was good, 7:00 was better. The meeting attendees arrived at 8:00. Cold frittata anyone? Cold bacon? Sausage? Guess who had to run back and forth to the microwave?

The rest of the day has been uneventful, except for the "low tire pressure" light coming on in my new car. I stopped at the gas station last night and checked them, but they all seem fine. I topped them off, too. Yet, still the light taunts me. Will I need to get that reset at the service center? Will they charge me $50 to do it? How dangerous is low tire pressure really, considering I'm not doing any Indy racing. Oh, the halcyon days of tire pressure ignorance.

*The title refers to a Post It(R) Note stuck on my computer monitor. I have no idea what it means.