Sunday, March 11, 2007

The simple joys of Hollywood

The city, not the industry.

I went to Ralphs on 3rd to recycle my cans and bottles for some lovely spending money (in the form of a voucher) to spend on dinner. Woo Hoo! Livin' large! The recycling center closes at 4:30. I arrived at 4:25 and was done by 4:31...I'm THAT good. While I was hastily depositing cans and bottles down the chute, I noticed an odd woman standing there, looking around as if she were deposited here by some teleportation device. She was dressed in a long sleeve shirt, a fleece jacket, hat and boots. Were you outside today? Hello, 90 degrees.

As is my luck, crazy lady decided I looked like a safe person to follow around. Every time I turned a corner, there she was. I got in line, and even though there was a shorter line next door, she was right behind me with her tub of butter and Gold Bond medicated something or other. Then, she began the conversation. Not with me, mind you, she was talking to (pick one) other personalities? The mother ship? Patrick Swayze? And quite the lively conversation it was, too.


My next stop in Crazy Town was CVS. I was there yesterday, but I forgot tampons. I was about to pull into a spot when I saw a guy peeing (because there's always a guy peeing somewhere in this town), so I quickly swerved and pulled into a spot down the aisle a bit. In the store, I was carefully contemplating the high cost of feminine hygiene (seriously) when the peeing man came up to me (because they always do) and said, "Now make sure you pick the right one."
"Yeah, Okay," I replied without looking at him.
"Because you don't want to get (incomprehensible slurring)..." said peeing man.
"Really?" I said looking him right in the bloodshot eyes. "You want to fuck with me?"
He walked away. Smart man, because this is my second time in a month and my hormones are not very accommodating to crazy.

Then I came home and my back yard neighbor was trying to teach his dog how to skateboard. The dog, a wise terrier mix, flatly refused to participate in such folly, preferring instead to sniff around the trash cans. Good Dog.

And that's how I spent my Sunday. How about you?


3 comments:

Frank said...

You see a lot of peeing guys!

Funny you should ask about my Sunday, I just finished my blog about my day. But now I feel so boring; there were no crazy people, feminine hygiene products, or public urination in my blog.

Ellen Bloom said...

You know, if you leave Hollywood, life will be so boring!

miss kendra said...

i do not want to fuck with you.