Are you green with envy?

Not everyone can pull off this look:

I look half-lit already and it was only 10am when I took that. Sheesh. I swear I haven't started drinking yet. I'm just tired from having been roused from sweet slumber at 2am by a police helicopter spotlight shining in my bedroom window. Then I heard the popo on their speakers telling someone to get out of the car, someone who was not listening because they had to repeat everything several times. All this was happening just a few houses up from Chez Gingham. I heard them tell the person to step away from the car five paces, "One, two, three four, five...yes, that's how you do it." Then they were told to put their hands above their heads and then it got quiet. The helicopter went away, the cops followed shortly after, and I was left wide awake and curious.

I was flipping through the photos on my cell phone trying to find the right one (see above) to convey my St. Patrick's Day finery. So, I'm flipping and flipping and find this:

I did not take this photo. Or did I? Was I sleepwalking again? Did I steal the weinermobile? Is THAT what the cops were doing outside my house last night?!? Holy crap, I stole the Mini-weinermobile and led the cops on a high speed chase, then ran upstairs and crawled into bed only to become conscious when they finally caught up to me. But I wasn't in the car....who was? Did I pick up an accomplice along the way? Wow, Sleepwalking Laurie Ann is bad ass. At any rate, I have no idea how this photo ended up on my phone. I'd blame my brother but he's 3,000 miles away, so he's in the clear.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for--ST. PATRICK'S DAY FUNNIES!

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," the man replied..
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians..." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

A man's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face.Finally he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home.When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed.The next morning he awakens to see his wife standing over him, shouting: "So, you've been out drinking again!""Why do you say that?" he asks."The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."