Things you'd do well to avoid

Somewhere on a Tuesday, 11:30am

me: I went to the ladies room and lost it, cussing like a sailor on shore leave, because a) the water was running in all three sinks, b) the first stall was out of order due to some a-hole blocking it up and the only free stall was also clogged.

The women in the other two stalls did not come out the whole time I was there.

Roy: Jesus

me: When I got back to my desk, I found a random black feather.

I'm not sure if it's related.

Roy: huh?

oh NO

THE BLACK DOWN FEATHER OF DISCORD AND MISFORTUNE!!!

me: Nooooooooooo

Roy: You've incurred the wrath.

me: better a wrath than a wraith

Roy: It's not as bad as the Kiss of Death, but far worse than the Noogie of Woe.

me: ah, I've had the woe noogies.

not fun.

Roy: Indeed.

Better than the Purple Nurple of General Malfeasance though.

Roy: I don't know where it ranks with the Indian Burn of Mixed Blessings, or the Tickle Fingers of Acrimonious Backhanded Compliments to/from Children and Strangers.

Way better than the Slingshot of Crotch-rot.

Roy: Then there is the Loogie of Good Fortune, which is a mixed blessing. On one hand, good fortune. On the other hand, you got Loogied.

Roy: Oh an let's not forget the Meat and Cheese Basket of Impending Schadenfreude

me: Wow, you've really outdone yourself.

Roy: Eh. I was hit by a Late Winter Icicle of Inspired Brilliance in Useless Skills

But seriously, the ladies room? It was too much. I believe I used the phrase "Get the *^%$ over it already" as I furiously slammed each faucet closed.