Why change now?

When I was a kid I was a major procrastinator, especially if it was something I did not want to do. Homework was often a tortured affair. Book reports? I'd skim a few chapters and fake it. Senior term paper on "Le Morte D'Arthur"? I was writing it as I typed it at the breakfast table the day it was due. Once we had to write a summary of some short story for English. I didn't read it so I asked Chris Sullivan for a quick summary and bullshitted my way through it. I got an A and Chris got a B. So, if you've been wondering where I've been for the past 7 days, I've been cramming a month's worth of projects into this last week before the boss returns from her travels. It is truly amazing how productive I can be when I actually focus and get to work. Can you imagine what kind of stellar employee I'd be if I had this kind of focus and drive every day?

Speaking of focus and drive netting results, I have been walking every day and steadily increasing the distance, along with actually paying attention to what I'm eating and I have lost a whole 10 pounds! I know! Gee, who knew you could lose weight that way?

Thanks for all the encouragement

Day two and I have already expanded my walking area...by one block. Baby steps.The pink lines are yesterday's route and the green are from today. We could have gone farther, but since Criss was technically not on her lunch break, we couldn't be gone for long. Now, if I can avoid the Cool Ranch Doritos in the Finance Dept, I'm golden.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. It means a lot.

Exercise? What's that?

Because my doctor told me my leg pain was basically due to my being a lazy fat ass with no exercise routine, I have embarked on a routine of sorts. I am walking at lunchtime. Our office has begun using a time clock system, rather than paper time sheets, and we are required to clock out for lunch. Well, if I'm clocking out, I'm walking out, so I am bringing my sneakers to work and taking a walk during my lunch hour. I'm dragging my friend along, too, although she has an excellent exercise routine and it's not so much a case of me dragging her as her dragging me. Whatevs. We're starting slow so Wheezy McGee (that's me) doesn't die on the hills. We walked for about 20 minutes today, including an uphill block. We will slowly expand our area and increase speed. Criss suggested we change it up now and then and take a trip to Echo Park to walk around the lake and eat our lunch over there. With summer coming, it'll get great to get out of the office for a bit. I even put on the ol' pedometer today and set a goal, which I have not met but I can still walk when I get home.

Wish me luck. The doctor would like to see some progress by my next appointment in a month.

I ate something bad

I bought a pasta salad on Thursday at a grocery store which shall go unnamed because I like them and they usually have fresh stuff. I ate it yesterday. It should have been good still. It had an expiration date of 3/23. It wasn't good. Maybe it was all the oil, although I drained off as much as possible. Maybe it was just a bad batch. Whatever it was, it was not good. I'm feeling better today after much rest.

In other news, one of the owlets has hatched! I missed the actual event, but I've seen the baby and it's sooo cute. If you missed the link yesterday, here it is.

Kind of like watching paint dry, but with moments of activity

It all started when one of my regular commenters, MamaMouseIAm, left a link to this bear cam. It's a camera in a bear den. Sounds kind of dull, right? But it's so addictive. The cubs--Oh my God, the cuteness! And there's sound so you can hear them make little sleepy baby noises. So, I watched the bears for a bit and then clicked other links to discover there are other cams. One in the Pennsylvania woods (not near my hometown) where you can see deer, fox and raccoons on a regular basis. So, I ended up watching a deer eat for, like, ten minutes. Read that again...I WATCHED A DEER EAT FOR TEN MINUTES. How bored does one need to be to do that? And I wasn't bored. I was at work (no, no I wasn't. You didn't see that).

So, today, I was watching my friends Will and Nina on their weekly Ustream show Bethemarriage,(Saturdays at 5pm), and when it ended, I saw the recommended feeds on the front page--The Owl Box. Yes, it's a camera in an owl's nest. Her name is Molly and her eggs are about to hatch any day now. There are five of them and they will hatch in the order they were laid, so all this week. I was following along with the comments and they were all talking about McGee. Who's McGee? McGee is the father who shows up every night around 7:30-8:00 to get a little lovin' and drop off a dead thing for dinner. So, yeah, I watched an owl moving around on her eggs for an hour just to see the mate show up, drop off a mouse, get some, and leave. And you know what? It really was exciting. Molly had taken a few minutes to fly off and stretch her wings (and probably go potty) and McGee showed up while she was out. It looked like he was going to stomp on one of the eggs but fortunately, Molly came back and distracted him with her feminine charms. Oh! and when she left the nest? At least five or six of us in the chat swore we saw one of the eggs moving.

So, what did you do on your Saturday night? I really need a life.

Happy Friday, y'all

Let me start with a birthday shout-out to my favorite drummer, Daren Taylor. I love you, Angelfish. Keep doing what you love and loving what you do. [photo courtesy of Frankie Leal]

Yesterday, I got my eyes checked. The doctor told me my eyes were pretty. I resisted the urge to bat my lashes Bugs Bunny-style and asking him to "tell me more about my eyes." I'm getting "progressive" lenses, which is a nice way of saying tri-focals, I think. I can see far just fine, but the closer I get to something, the less clear my vision. I picked out some lovely new frames. He also told me my eyes have intermittent exotropia, which means that my eyes tend to drift outward when I'm tired. I apologize if I've given anyone the wandering eye. I have exercises to strengthen my eye muscles. Woo Hoo!

Today, I went to see my regular doctor. She made me promise to see her after I begged for an emergency inhaler for my trip back east. After 2 hours wait (seriously!) I finally got to see her. I now have prescriptions for a daily inhaler, a nasal inhaler for my allergies, and a big dog. Yep, my doctor told me to get a big dog and start walking. A little dog wouldn't make the walk strenuous enough. So, I can't wait to tell the Frau that I have to get a dog..."doctor's orders." (I wish I could)

My Etsy order arrived while I was watching the front desk. I ordered laundry soap from Shower Treat Soap. I love it. I ordered a bag a year ago and I just this week needed to get more. Mind you, I don't do laundry as often as some and when I do, I tend to combine loads to save money. But still, it lasts a good long time and is great for sensitive skin types. You can choose your scent (I get mine unscented) and five percent of sales benefit Women for Women International. Check it out! This time, I also ordered Tubby (tm) Lotion Bar Bath Melt. It's an essential oil bar that you smooth over your body when you're still warm and wet from the shower. OR, you can just smooth it on your dry skin and it works just as well. My ashy feet and legs are soft as a baby's butt.

And as special treat to myself (and because I almost passed out when my doctor took blood), I stopped at Trader Joe's on my way home to pick up my new favorite food--Sunny California Roll. I am not a sushi person; there's just something about it that I never enjoyed, and yes, I've tried enough to say that and be comfortable. Oddly, I do enjoy dried nori as a snack. But one day I was shopping at TJs and must have been hungry because this looked too delicious to say no.It's California Roll, but wrapped in carrot instead of nori. Yum!

Hope you all have a great weekend. It's going to be lovely.

Are you green with envy?

Not everyone can pull off this look:

I look half-lit already and it was only 10am when I took that. Sheesh. I swear I haven't started drinking yet. I'm just tired from having been roused from sweet slumber at 2am by a police helicopter spotlight shining in my bedroom window. Then I heard the popo on their speakers telling someone to get out of the car, someone who was not listening because they had to repeat everything several times. All this was happening just a few houses up from Chez Gingham. I heard them tell the person to step away from the car five paces, "One, two, three four, five...yes, that's how you do it." Then they were told to put their hands above their heads and then it got quiet. The helicopter went away, the cops followed shortly after, and I was left wide awake and curious.

I was flipping through the photos on my cell phone trying to find the right one (see above) to convey my St. Patrick's Day finery. So, I'm flipping and flipping and find this:

I did not take this photo. Or did I? Was I sleepwalking again? Did I steal the weinermobile? Is THAT what the cops were doing outside my house last night?!? Holy crap, I stole the Mini-weinermobile and led the cops on a high speed chase, then ran upstairs and crawled into bed only to become conscious when they finally caught up to me. But I wasn't in the car....who was? Did I pick up an accomplice along the way? Wow, Sleepwalking Laurie Ann is bad ass. At any rate, I have no idea how this photo ended up on my phone. I'd blame my brother but he's 3,000 miles away, so he's in the clear.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for--ST. PATRICK'S DAY FUNNIES!

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," the man replied..
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians..." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

A man's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face.Finally he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home.When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed.The next morning he awakens to see his wife standing over him, shouting: "So, you've been out drinking again!""Why do you say that?" he asks."The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

Pet Peeve Tuesday

Dear Repeat Offenders:

Wary means cautious.
Leery means suspicious and distrustful
Weary means tired.

Please stop combining the first two and saying you are "weary of [insert name of person or company]" unless you are, in fact, tired of said person or company.

Thank you,
The woman who is too polite to correct you in public

Good Monday to you all

Hello everyone. Have you recovered from your lost hour? I woke up Sunday and began writing in my journal and wrote the date as "March 14, 2008." So, clearly, I did not "Spring Forward" as everyone else did. Also, I had really messed up dreams between Saturday and Sunday, so there's that, too. On the plus side, traffic was super light today and everyone was late so I got a prime parking spot.

My bones hurt. It started yesterday evening when I was struck with a killer migraine while watching a bidding war on eBay. I figured that was just because of eyestrain. Then I tried to stand up and--Ouch!--it hurt just to be standing. Again, I chalked this up to being incredibly out of shape and having to haul my butt up a hill for a work function yesterday. As the evening progressed, however, I began to realize that it was not a muscle pain, but deep inside, like my bones actually aching. It was really bad when I woke up this morning. I almost called in sick. But do you know what you should NOT do if you have mysterious bone aching symptoms? You should NOT look on the Internet. Within minutes I diagnosed myself as having a problem with red blood cells, sarcoidosis, or cancer. I have a doctor appointment on Friday, so I'll ask her opinion. I'm sure it's just my out-of-shape ass feeling the burn. Or it could be some chemical reaction from having hair dye on for much longer than the recommended time. Or something rare that they haven't made a TV movie about yet. We'll see.

Here's a cartoon for you. It's one of my favorites. Thanks to Anne-Marie for reminding me of it.
[click for a bigger image]
It's funny because cats make lousy bankers. Also, "jangly" may be my new favorite adjective.

Have a good week, folks. I'm all about catching up on my doctor visits this week (I have several appointments).

I want a cool nickname, too.

Midnight knitter pulls the wool over Jersey shore town

March 10, 2010 3:30 PM

WEST CAPE MAY, N.J. (AP) — Someone is spinning quite a yarn over one New Jersey shore town. An unknown person dubbed The Midnight Knitter by West Cape May residents is covering tree branches and lamp poles with little sweaters under cover of darkness.

Mayor Pam Kaithern says police are looking into the guerrilla crocheting, which technically is against the law because it is being done on public property without permission.

The mayor and many residents admit they're enthralled by the rainbow of colors that has popped up.

Resident Susan Longacre takes a walk each morning in Wilbraham Park, where several tree branches and light poles have gotten the treatment. She thinks it's great.

Even those who aren't thrilled admit the yarn is better than spray-painted graffiti.

While I take offense at the writer's use of knitting and crocheting interchangeably, I totally want a cool nickname like Midnight Knitter. I'm sure that was the original title of that Rolling Stones song. One of my favorite comments on the subject: "This could be a gateway crime. They'll move on to: knit one, purloin two."

I may be on to something

I may have figured out the reason (at least one) for the toilets being stuffed with toilet seat covers.
Today, I went to the ladies and there was a girl fixing her hair. While I was doing my business, she went into a stall. I then heard her take a seat cover and crinkle it. Then another and another. Now, I'm no foley artist, but I am pretty sure I can tell the difference between the sound of someone crinkling paper and someone laying that paper on a toilet seat. Then, I heard her peeing. Eureka! I'll bet they are putting the paper into the toilet to mask the sound of the pee hitting the water (which is what peeshy and her ilk do with the running water).

PS. It didn't work.

I shall investigate this further and get back to you.

The Line Up

Remember these kids?and these kids?

While everyone was together for the first time in forever, we attempted (after several adult beverages, I might add) to recreate "the line up." Unfortunately, there was some miscommunication.

Kate and I were going for the sideways line. The boys had other ideas.A bit of discussion ensued in which we tried to come to an agreement.In the end, we just smiled for whichever camera was pointed our way.

Blast from the Past

I walked into to work, said "Good Morning" to Mirna at the front desk, and was walking down the hall to my office when I was stopped in my tracks by a sight for sore eyes. There, on Linda's desk, was a 1970's era popcorn popper in glorious Harvest Gold. "Is that a popper?" I asked excitedly. "Where did it come from? What are you doing with it?" Linda explained that she found it while digging around in a cupboard. She doesn't remember ever using it, but it must have been used at some point. She brought it in to donate it to one of our school sites. "Oh, we can't let it go just yet. We have to fire that baby up after lunch today."

And so, I did. Here's the proof.We didn't have any butter, so I was not able to use the butter melting cup. Also, we only had gourmet kernels, which are smaller, so it didn't fluff up as much as the regular kind, but it was still delicious. I made two batches and shared it with everyone in the office. There was a coupon, too, with no expiration date. Do they still make Planters Popcorn Oil?

Things you'd do well to avoid

Somewhere on a Tuesday, 11:30am

me: I went to the ladies room and lost it, cussing like a sailor on shore leave, because a) the water was running in all three sinks, b) the first stall was out of order due to some a-hole blocking it up and the only free stall was also clogged.

The women in the other two stalls did not come out the whole time I was there.

Roy: Jesus

me: When I got back to my desk, I found a random black feather.

I'm not sure if it's related.

Roy: huh?

oh NO

THE BLACK DOWN FEATHER OF DISCORD AND MISFORTUNE!!!

me: Nooooooooooo

Roy: You've incurred the wrath.

me: better a wrath than a wraith

Roy: It's not as bad as the Kiss of Death, but far worse than the Noogie of Woe.

me: ah, I've had the woe noogies.

not fun.

Roy: Indeed.

Better than the Purple Nurple of General Malfeasance though.

Roy: I don't know where it ranks with the Indian Burn of Mixed Blessings, or the Tickle Fingers of Acrimonious Backhanded Compliments to/from Children and Strangers.

Way better than the Slingshot of Crotch-rot.

Roy: Then there is the Loogie of Good Fortune, which is a mixed blessing. On one hand, good fortune. On the other hand, you got Loogied.

Roy: Oh an let's not forget the Meat and Cheese Basket of Impending Schadenfreude

me: Wow, you've really outdone yourself.

Roy: Eh. I was hit by a Late Winter Icicle of Inspired Brilliance in Useless Skills

But seriously, the ladies room? It was too much. I believe I used the phrase "Get the *^%$ over it already" as I furiously slammed each faucet closed.

My wonderful Sister-in-Law

My brother Roy is married to an incredible woman. Evelyn is a no-nonsense gal and she's a lot of fun. She managed to wrangle a houseful of guests without losing it, which is more than I can say for myself. One of my favorite things about Evelyn is her artistic nature. She takes whimsical to the extreme. Here is a sample of things Evie has made:

This is a gargoyle Ev made for me when I lived in Pennsyltucky. It had a tongue sticking out but that broke off in the move to LA.Here's another stone piece from the same period, along with this,the most awesome, yet kind of creepy, Welcome sign ever.This is the chandelier in the dining room. It's loaded with beads, and ornaments and tiny little treasures, like an itty bitty Salvation Army bell (left side, by the toe of the gold boot). This is where that thing that looks like a bong in yesterday's post is hanging. I love it, even though everyone ended up walking into it at least once.
Does this plant hanger look like something else? It's an overhead light cover that Ev tinted with paint and made into a planter. Pretty cool, no?
Okay, she had some help with this one, but I think it's one of her best works.

Thank you, Evelyn, for being a part of our family. We love you!