Things you'd do well to avoid

Somewhere on a Tuesday, 11:30am

me: I went to the ladies room and lost it, cussing like a sailor on shore leave, because a) the water was running in all three sinks, b) the first stall was out of order due to some a-hole blocking it up and the only free stall was also clogged.

The women in the other two stalls did not come out the whole time I was there.

Roy: Jesus

me: When I got back to my desk, I found a random black feather.

I'm not sure if it's related.

Roy: huh?

oh NO

THE BLACK DOWN FEATHER OF DISCORD AND MISFORTUNE!!!

me: Nooooooooooo

Roy: You've incurred the wrath.

me: better a wrath than a wraith

Roy: It's not as bad as the Kiss of Death, but far worse than the Noogie of Woe.

me: ah, I've had the woe noogies.

not fun.

Roy: Indeed.

Better than the Purple Nurple of General Malfeasance though.

Roy: I don't know where it ranks with the Indian Burn of Mixed Blessings, or the Tickle Fingers of Acrimonious Backhanded Compliments to/from Children and Strangers.

Way better than the Slingshot of Crotch-rot.

Roy: Then there is the Loogie of Good Fortune, which is a mixed blessing. On one hand, good fortune. On the other hand, you got Loogied.

Roy: Oh an let's not forget the Meat and Cheese Basket of Impending Schadenfreude

me: Wow, you've really outdone yourself.

Roy: Eh. I was hit by a Late Winter Icicle of Inspired Brilliance in Useless Skills

But seriously, the ladies room? It was too much. I believe I used the phrase "Get the *^%$ over it already" as I furiously slammed each faucet closed.

The Abridged Guide to Hollywood (without all that annoying "see the stars homes" crap)

I should start a service for business travelers who are only in town for a day or two but want to have the Hollywood experience. I'd cut through all the tourist trappings and show you want you really want to see or what you really should see. I would customize the tour to your personal preferences. Do you want to go to the beach? At said beach, are you interested in swimming? surfers? just watching the girls/boys? Do you want to see the stars (sidewalk and otherwise)? How about freaks? Are you into the freaks? I think it would be a valuable service and having had two relatives visit in as many weeks, I feel uniquely qualified.

As you know, The Roy arrived on Wednesday. Unfortunately, his girlfriend, the lovely Jess, caught a bug while they were deep behind the Orange Curtain and was too sick to do anything for the first two days of their visit. Thank goodness her sickness abated in time for us to have fun last night and today. So, last night (as you know because I know you read yesterday's scintillating chapter) the kids met me at work to do the one thing Jess requested--see the house used as the Fishers' home in "Six Feet Under." Mission accomplished. They also wanted to see "The Watchmen." While we could have gone to City Walk or Burbank, we went to the Arclight for the full experience, and, as The Roy pointed out, it's stumbling distance from Frau Gardens and we were drinking. You want celebrities? We saw this guy at the Arclight. [psst...he's not as tall as his bio says...just saying.]

Today, we had two missions--Hollywood Blvd and Venice Beach. Oh, wait, actually three--they had a plane to catch at 9:50pm. No problem. We got a bit of a late start, which is no surprise considering the fact that all three of us are Sagittariuses (or are we?). We toured Hollywood Blvd at a brisk pace, took my now-obligatory photo with Mickey,stopped at Grauman's Chinese Theatre for the footprints, saw some awesome but sad interplay between a street preacher and some punk kids (which gave me my new catch phrase--"IMBECILE"), then stopped at some shoe stores to check out boots and the most adorable mary janes. Phew! We headed home for some quick grub.

While home, I saw that time was getting away from us so I came up with a brilliant plan. We would pack their bags and go to Venice, then from there directly to the airport. Laurie Ann--you're a genius. And so we did. Lunch, luggage and Lincoln Blvd later, we were strolling down Ocean Front where The Roy and The Jess (that's her new name) got to see all the usual suspects, including the ubiquitous rollerskating guitar guy. The Jess bought a bracelet and two paintings (2/$20) and we declared Venice Beach complete.

We returned to Jamie, who was still where I parked her despite signs warning of imminent towing, and headed back to Lincoln Blvd for a quick trip down to LAX. I dropped them off, hugged and smooched, and made it home in time for an evening of frivolity with The Slack Mistress and the alternate Will on BetheMarriage.

What can I say--I'm good.

Blue Peen

The Roy and Jess met me at work today so we could head over to West Adams to see the Fisher House from "Six Feet Under." I haven't seen the series (no cable, remember?) but the house is lovely. Jess felt a little silly taking pictures but I'm sure they're used to it. Afterward, we headed to Vons for Roy's magic burrito fixings. For a white boy from Pennsylvania, they were some pretty great burritos, even if I did have an asthma attack from just the vapors of the chilis.

Finally, we capped the night off by watching "The Watchmen" at the Arclight. I never read the graphic novel but a friend at work told me enough about it for me to have an idea of the premise. Plus all the reviews talked about Dr. Manhattans full frontal nudity and who doesn't want to see a big blue penis? Boy Howdy, it didn't disappoint. Yes, I'm sure it was all CGI, but there sure was a whole lot of blue peen throughout the film. I'll never look at Smurfs the same again.

[this totally counts as April 10th's post because I haven't gone to bed yet]

I have HD TV!!

The Roy is awesome! The Roy rocks the kasbah! The Roy hooked up my HD converter and it has sound too!!! Of course, now I need a new antenna because I couldn't get ABC and I need my Jeopardy.

I'm sorry we didn't get to come by the Farmer's Market. I'll be back next week, I swear.

Not-so-dark-mistress meets the Frau [extended version]

[I was in a hurry to get this in under the wire for NaBloPoMo and didn't get into detail.]

So we're sitting here minding our business watching "Pineapple Express" when Jess (aka Dark Mistress Hawthorne, who isn't dark at all but a lovely person) got up to fill the Brita pitcher. Unfortunately I forgot to tell her not to use the cold water because it doesn't turn off properly and drips, only it didn't drip this time. It ran full blast and would not turn off at all. I tried to get it to stop. Roy and I walked around outside with a flashlight to see what we could see, but couldn't see a valve. There was no valve under the sink either. It was 10:25pm. What do we do?

We had no choice. We called Frau. I told her the situation and asked her where the shut off valve was outside. She told me the only valve was for the water main which shuts off the whole building. Crap! I guess I can talk to the new guy and Gladys and tell them the water would be off, but that would require me staying home to wait for Frau tomorrow. She told me to look under the sink and refused to believe me when I told her there was no sink valve under there. Finally she said, "I'm coming over." Ah, geez. No one wants a visit from the Frau at 10:30pm, except Jess who was interested to see if the Frau met her expectations.

But a visit is exactly what we got. I met her at the bottom of the stairs and apologized for calling so late. "Why don't you call me at Midnight or 1:00," she said. Well, because it didn't happen at Midnight; it happened now. "How did this happen? What were you doing?" she asked as if we were doing handstands on the faucet. I told her we turned it on and it wouldn't go off. She made a big deal about "I don't think I have washers" when she did, in fact, have a whole bag of washers. She fixed the faucet and showed me that the metal piece inside was broken, saying, "This is because you turn the faucet too hard. See? You don't need to use force." No, the metal is broken because the sink is a hundred years old and it's rusted apart, but whatever Frau.

On either side of the sink, under the counters, is a hollow cabinet with no access. Logic says there's nothing under there except maybe some pipes, but the previous owners sealed it up. Frau asked me about it. "What's under there?" I told her I didn't know as it was like that when I moved in. She eyed me suspiciously as if I were lying and possibly hiding the bodies of the previous owners. I got a lecture about my trash bags in the kitchen, even though I told her I hadn't taken them out yet because the new girl used my can for her crap. "Use someone else's, " she told me. "They're all full!" I countered. She told me some men were coming by to do yard work and they will take all the full cans out to the street, so I should just find one that's not as full and use it. Then I got the Mom talk about how if I were a better housekeeper I'd feel better about myself and it's good for my health.

All in all, it was the usual Frau visit. It was pretty nice of her to come over at 10:30 on Passover, but honestly, it's her responsibility as the landlord. I'm glad we got it over with and that Jess got to see her. It's better than a Bigfoot sighting.

Reason #673 on Why I love my nephew Roy

This is his status on Gmail Chat:

Oh work, how you soak up every bit of my spirit and vigor, like those fancy paper towels I'm too cheap to buy, from the nestle of my soul.

Word.

So much for a half day

Sometime yesterday afternoon, folks started getting feisty and asking the HR manager, "Can we wear jeans tomorrow? It's kind of like Friday." The HR manager, trying to keep the customers satisfied, called the boss (who had left at 3pm for a meeting) and asked if we could wear jeans. The boss said, "Why? It's not Friday?" Then, since these same feisty folks had been bugging her about a half day, HR Manager went ahead and asked the boss if we could have a half day. Without going into detail, her answer was an unequivocal "No." Half the office left early anyway, but being the diligent worker that I am (and paranoid that the boss would call at 4:55 and I'd be fired for not being there), I stayed--until exactly 5:05pm. Then, like a fool, I went to the grocery store.

It wasn't as bad as expected. Okay, it was bad, but I only need apple pie fixings so I pretty much had four things to buy and I was out. Since I don't use white flour and sugar on a regular basis, I wanted to buy the smallest package of each. No such luck on the flour, but I grabbed a box clearly marked Pure Cain Sugar.
What I didn't notice was the (not so) fine print:I immediately called my sister Katie for advice. I had 1/4 cup of regular sugar, a whole box of powdered sugar and a whole box of harder-than-granite brown sugar. Whatever will I do? Kate said to go with the brown sugar and the 1/4 cup of regular--sort of a mixture. Since the brown sugar was like a rock, I broke off a piece and popped it in the coffee grinder. I is smart. I'll let you know tomorrow how it worked.

In other news, today is Roy's (my world-famous nephew) birthday. Happy (Holy Crap, I can't believe this) 27th Birthday, Roy!! I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday and all the many birthdays we celebrated together from that day forward. I love you, Roy.

I spotted this at Staples:Times are tough since Joanie left him.

Netflix, You Bastards!!

You can't see me, but I'm totally shaking my fist angrily in the direction of Santa Ana, California, the location of the nearest Netflix hub. As I mentioned a few days ago, the three movies queued up from Netflix were kind of a theme and I didn't want to break up the set, so I forced myself to watch "Orlando," even though I wasn't really into it. I sent all three DVDs in on Monday and awaited my next three. Meghan asked what theme. It was set to be a mini Shiathon--Transformers and Battle of Shaker Heights, with a little Joey Gordon-Levitt thrown in because I have a soft spot for that boy (he became my surrogate nephew when I first moved here and missed The Roy something fierce). With much anticipation I opened my mailbox yesterday to find two, not three, movies waiting. "It's okay," I consoled myself. "You can't watch them all tonight anyway and the third will arrive tomorrow. I'm sure of it."

I opened the DVD packages to find (a) a movie I don't remember putting on my queue and (b) The Lookout (Joey's movie). I watched movie A because I didn't need to really pay attention and I was blogging while watching. Movie A blows, by the way. Maybe if you didn't live that life back in Pennsyltucky you might find it interesting, but that was just a chapter from my 20's with thicker accents. Sighing heavily, I tossed that in the mail today hoping to have my Shiathon this weekend. Then I got this email from Netflix:
Oh, did you? Did you receive Transformers? That's funny. BECAUSE I DIDN'T!!! I'd love to "Rate this title" but I haven't seen it yet, because you didn't send it to ME.
Don't get me wrong, I love Netflix. I love the convenience of not having to go to a video store and look for something and having all the good titles picked already and having the ever-s0-helpful staff recommend horrendous films (for kicks*), etc, etc, etc. I love that I can have them as long as I want and not have to pay late fees. I love that I can pick a slew of movies for my queue and rearrange it at will. Really, I'm holding a first class ticket for the Netflix Love Train--All Aboard! But, man, when they screw up, it just gets my panties in a knot. No Shia for Laurie Ann. But at least I have Joey. And, you know, my weekend is pretty busy anyway.

On a completely unrelated note, please take the time to follow this link and vote for The Airborne Toxic Event. Here's a note with instructions from lovely band member Anna:

"Scroll down to where it says “Users’ Choice” and click on our box to vote (it’s the first one). To watch the video, click on the little TV icon. The timing here is crucial. Whichever video gets the most votes during the next 48 hours wins the contest gets and featured on Yahoo! Music for a month. We’re up against some stiff competition, so whatever you can do to support the band will be rewarded handsomely with kind thoughts and witty banter. Vote as many times as the mood strikes you. (Just refresh the page after each vote.)"

The video is worth a gander, as it features a great song, Spaceland in Silverlake and the hottest drummer ever to sleep on my sofa.

*I know folks at Tower (and you know who you are) who did that to unsuspecting Soccer Mom types. Naughty boys.

Royfest 2007: The Finale

Oh noes!!1! It's teh goodbye post! Say it ain't so!

*sob*

This is Roy, by the way. Laurie's on the couch reading the latest and final installment of the Harry Potter series. Speaking of which, I must thank my wonderful aunt who is cool through and through for letting me stay on the couch, for showing me around feeding me, for parading me in front of all her friends, and for putting up with my silly crap all week without braining me.

Though LA was newer to me (and therefore scarier to country folk like myself) last time I was here, I found I had a greater sense of wonder this time around. Maybe the rain and the taped up glasses on my last visit had something to do with it, but I feel I came away with a stronger impression of LA, or at least Hollywood, this trip.

Which is a strange thing to say. There is so much to see just in Hollywood, so many people, places, stories, that I imagine my impression is akin to the impression astronauts got of life on the moon during their brief stays. So while I don't know how much to trust it, I have come away with impressions none the less.

For one, it seems there is something to see around every corner. Restaurants, bars, clubs, stores, shops. Actors, musicians, drifters, hookers, hipsters, and dealers. Filming locations, recording studios, places where famous people lived, places where famous people died. Even without a tour guide, Sunset feels like a playground where you can find anything you're looking for.

Like vintage Star Trek posters and Double Doubles.

This place soaks in a sense of the absurd. Coming from Pennsyltucky and all, everything here seems a touch over the top. That's not the right phrase perhaps. If every place here were a picture, the color contrast would be pushed to a point just past natural and just before discomfort. The artifice of The Industry bleeds into the area, making everything hyper-real, or when the glow wears off, absurd. This absurdity though, when acknowledged, is embraced, and feeds back into the experience. The restaurants and shops, the stores and the clubs, everything conceived with either a smirk or a smile. This is Hollywood, after all.

On a late night snack run to a 7-Eleven, we passed some hipsters, a family on bicycles (one literally in tow), and a couple of strung out looking aimless folk eating hot dogs (bathed in mustard). I said to my aunt, "you know, the nice thing about this place is there's so many weirdos that it's impossible not to fit in by default."

I said it to be humorous, but there was truth in my statement. Maybe my impression is naive, or tainted by the fact that here I'm an anonymous stranger, but coming from a workplace, neighborhood, and town where I don't feel I fit in, Hollywood is inviting. Where I come from, people have a story not of how they ended up where they are, but why they ended up where they are. It's not a good enough place just to be. A night at the bar feels more like a liquor sodden support group, assembled to cope with, or forget, why we are where we are. (It's not that bad, is it?) Not that folks here don't have their problems, but that they are here doesn't seem to be one of them. There are so many people here for so many reasons that there's no need justify simply being here.

Of course, I always have been a gullible boy, so set me straight if I'm off the mark. It just seems that, from meeting Laurie's friends (which is strange to write considering they're pretty much the audience I'm writing to) that this is a place where people are comfortable with where they are, if not who they are. We could use a bit of that back home.

Dang, I'm wasting my last day writing a book here. So hello and goodbye! It was a pleasure meeting all of you. Thank you for your kindness.

-The Roy

Royfest 2007: Day 7

Plans? We scoff at plans. Who needs 'em? Not The Roy and I. With nothing on the books save dinner at Palms Thai, we headed to West Hills where Roy gamely sat through a second viewing of Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix, even though he's never read the books. What a swell guy.

We goofed off until dinnertime, then off to Palms Thai for some delicious food and the Thai Elvis. After a few trips around the block, we Valeted the car. We were seated right up in front of the stage. Sweet! Front row seats for Elvis--both Thai and otherwise.












We both ordered Pad Thai--Roy ordered chicken; I ordered pork and a Thai tea. Both were absolutely delicious. Roy enjoyed it so much, he cleaned his plate. Me too.










Elvis was already in action when we arrived and finished his set as our food arrived. He was followed by a lithesome Asian girl who sang a variety of pop hits with very little emotion. During her set, Elvis (Kevin) sat with his back to the dining room reading a book. When the girl finished her set, she simply walked off the stage, picked up her cell phone and make a call. Elvis neatly tucked away his book and took his place on stage for a quiet rendition of "Love Me Tender."
They had the emotional detachment of a hooker. Most of the patrons were oblivious to the presence of the singers anyway.

When the Valet brought my car around, the CD we had been listening to was mysteriously on track 11, even though it was only on track 6 when we pulled in. Who knew valet parkers liked The Presidents of the United States of America. "Peaches come in a can. They were put there by a man at a factory downtown."

Royfest 2007: Day 6

Waaahhhh....Is it day six already? But, but, but we're having so much fun!
We made a concerted effort to actually get up at a decent hour today so we could see things...well, so much for that. We did get out the door before noonish, so it wasn't so bad. We headed downtown, taking the scenic route down Sunset/ Cesar Chavez to Union Station. After a delicious
bagel from Union Bagel, we ventured over to Olivera Street. Before we left union, I had to pee but there was a line and I didn't feel like waiting. I said, "There'll be restrooms across the street." I now know where all the restrooms are at El Pueblo de Los Angeles because my oh so helpful nephew pointed out every toilet we passed--for the rest of the day!!! Thanks, Roy!
We walked all around the gazebo, past the Chinese American History Museum where Roy learned about the Chinese Massacre of 1871, and saw some filming at the Pico House (they transformed it into a Colombian bus station).

Next, we hopped the Dash B to Temple, where we walked around the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels. Roy's not Catholic, but I showed him the mausoleums and the courtyard anyway. Then, we walked over to Disney Hall, where I made a delightful purchase at the LA Phil store. Land o' Goshen it was hot outside today. I dragged Roy through that lawn area by the Civil courts building (I don't know if it has a name) and over to the Court of Flags which also happens to be the entrance to the Civic Center stop on the red line. Did I mention the heat? I was not going to be able to walk back over to the Dash stop. But a quick subway ride brought us back to Union Station. Okay, I admit. I was lazy. We could have walked to our next destination, but...I drove two whole blocks to


Mmm...I ordered the Pork sandwich and Roy ordered the Beef, then we split them so we each had half. I got macaroni salad with mine, while Roy choose a pickle, which he shared with me because he was raised properly. It was delicious and dripping in au jus, just the way we like it.

There was a family sitting at the other end of our table with a precocious little girl named Lindsay. Lindsay was eating pie. Mmm, pie.




So after a brief respite at Chateau de Tante Laurie Ann, we headed off to the Farmer's Market for SnB, where nothing would do but a stop at DuPar's for pie and ice cream. I chose Rhubarb; Roy had Blueberry. We headed upstairs where Roy signed autographs and had his picture taken with his fans. (not really, but he was quite the celebrity). He gamely tried to make headway on his hat ( see Day 2), met Chatty Catherine, and helped us celebrate the birth of the lovely and talented Ellen.

We came home and watched Chicken Run, during which Roy invented the greatest drinking game in which one drinks every time Mel Gibson as Rocky Rhodes makes a sexist remark. Try it at home. You'll be loopy before you know it.

Royfest 2007: Day 5

We are lazy schlubs, the Roy and I. Both of us slept a little late, then couldn't get motivated until it was too late to go anywhere really. But we were hungry and we hadn't had any Mexican food yet. So I took him to La Taquiza on Figueroa.

Roy had the enchilada con pollo plate (#2) while I had the California chicken salad with two chorizo tacos.

Yummy spicy goodness.







Since we were in the USC area, I took Roy to the Science Center. Unfortunately, they were closing at 5:00. There was just enough time for Roy to test out the earthquake simulator and to see a newborn baby chick in the Chicken vs. Egg display. And I mean newborn as in it just hatched and it's feathers were still wet. Sooo cute.

What is Roy doing here--A) Recording his soon-to-be number one hit "My Aunt Rocks"; B) talking to his boss at CONTROL headquarters because his shoe phone was broken; or C) testing out his hearing range and proving that yes, I'm old, and yes, he's young and has the hearing equivalent of dogs and teenagers.The answer is, of course, C. I must have--what did Ellen call it? Rock N Roll ears?--because I couldn't hear below 30.

After we came home and lazed about until 10ish, we took a walk over to 7-11 for snacks, then came home to watch a movie. I hope I have energy tomorrow. I want to take him downtown.

Royfest 2007: Day 4

I got to work today and the boss said, "I thought you were supposed to be off today." I told her I'd go home if she wanted me to, but alas, I stayed. Roy was alone again. Lord knows what trouble he caused...

I didn't eat lunch today, so I was starving when I got home. We couldn't decided what we wanted to eat but Roy was pretty adamant about one thing--"no more chili." Hmmm...Chicken? But will it be Roscoe's or Zankou? We flipped a nickel. Jefferson meant Roscoe's; Montecello meant Zankou. And the winner is...

I hadn't been there for a while, but it hasn't changed since last time. We were greeted at the door by a voice made for the blues and shown to a table in the corner. We both ordered the same thing--fried chicken and waffles.

I ordered a side of grits. Mmm, buttery goodness.


It was delicious. Roy was a happy and well-fed nephew.
Both of us too full to do much else, we settled in for a movie--one of my favorites--Leon.
"Dis is from...Mathilda."

Royfest 2007: Day 3

I had to work today, which left The Roy to his own devices. What kind of trouble did he get into? I'll let him tell you.

Here's Roy:
Okay. So after my wonderful auntie L left for work, I settled down on the couch and watched an episode or five of The Newsroom. Before I knew it, it was 1pm and I had not changed out of my pj's.

I washed up, changed costumes, and made a plan: hit up the post office for post card stamps, stop at Groundworks for a cheesy bagel, pick up some toiletries at Rite Aid, and scour the Amoeba for CDs I can't find in other stores. (Yeah, I could just buy them from the internet. I could also, like, uh... come up with a valid analogy to illustrate that finding them physically is more fun than just ordering them at will.)

So out I went:

1. First stop, post office to buy stamps. Postage stamps, postage stamps, postage stamps. Yes! Postage stamps! Not a problem.
2. Oh man, Groundworks only has one sickly looking bagel left. If it were a kitten, it would be breaking my heart. Alright, lets see. Jack in the Box? Nah. Maybe I should check out Hollywood Boulevard. There's gotta be a cool place to eat there, and I'd like to see the shops before I blow all my money at Amoeba.
   
3. Left or Right? Uh. Hmm. Er. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeleft.
4. Ooh! A poster and movie memorabilia shop. What's this? A Star Trek 4 poster? A Mallrats poster? An Asian Kill Bill 2 poster? A Mad Max mini poster? A receipt for eighty dollars?
   
5. Oh, damn, another poster shop? With a beautiful Star Trek the Motion Picture poster in the window? For five ninety five? I've got to have that. I'm going to shoegaze until I pay though, because I don't need the temptation.
6. Hmm. I'm getting really hungry, carrying quite a bit, and don't have much more money to spend. I'm going to go back to the post office and mail the posters to myself. Doopie doopie doo, I'm carrying posters, doopie doopie doo!
   
7. Crap in a hat, the post office is on Wilcox.
   
8. Hi again.
   
9. Doopie doopie doo, on my way to Rite Aid, Doopie doopie what? Cute but goofy looking young Swedish lady is asking me for directions to Bank of America? I, I actually know where that is! "It's one or two blocks this way, I'm not sure how many, but it's definitely across the street." You look like you just got off the set of the Benny Hill show.
10. Buh duh duh bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah buh da da da duh, da duh da duh dat! Buh duh duh bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah buh da duh daaa, da duh da duh dat! Rite Aid? Right on. Man, I'm hungry. Ooh, I know where there's an In-N-Out Burger! It's just a couple blocks down the street past Wilcox. That would hit the spot like a cement truck full of awesome.
11. Shit in a philly, that was a long couple of blocks. And a sea of teenagers. But it was more than worth it for a Double Double and Vanilla Shake. Ahh, good times.

After all that it was back to Laurie's swank pad to sit and sweat. Soon enough, she returned from work, and it was cha-cha-cha-chilly dog time. Back to you, Laurie.



Home for me...Next stop on the Culinary Tour--CARNEY'S!!
I love me some Carney's. When I worked at Tower (the record store itself, not the offices), my friend Robert Bruggeman and I used to eat at Carney's every time we had a hankering for chocolate frozen bananas.
Roy ordered the Carney's dog; I got the Chicagoan. We shared a large chili cheese fries, and of course, we ordered the frozen chocolate-dipped nanners. Roy seemed dubious about his dog, but he enjoyed it. The fries looked like...well, you know.







But yum! And the bananas? Well, you be the judge.



Mommy would be so proud of me.






Do yourself a favor. Check out this website which accompanied the billboard below.

Scenes from The Grove

I took this touristy photo of Roy outside of the theater at The Grove. After uploading it to the laptop, I noticed the people in the background. Let's get a closer look, shall we?

Drug deals at The Grove?!? In broad daylight??!?
These are a shifty lot.

Now this--this is a woman with a purpose...and by the looks of it, not a pleasant one.

Stay out of her way. She's on a mission.

Royfest 2007: Day 2

Oh, we had big plans...or rather, I had big plans. I was going to take The Roy to Olivera Street and then take the Dash Discovery around downtown getting off and on whenever the mood struck. We started off okay. We got up early and went to the farmer's market at Ivar and Selma to get some breakfast and fresh produce. But it was powerful hot at 9:30am and my sunglasses had broken, so it was not pleasant. And it was crowded. We got some killer breakfast burritos and a handful of white peaches, then headed home, where we sat in front of the fan (who thinks he's Fred Durst--shh, don't say anything).

We didn't want to get up, let alone walk around in the hot sun. I think we over extended ourselves yesterday. What can you do on a day like that? Go to a nice air conditioned theater, of course.

As we were leaving, Roy's friend Jose called to tell him it was National Ice Cream Day (as dictated by Ronald Reagan) and to invite him for an ice cream. Well, obviously joining Jose was out of the question, but we did our best to celebrate with "appropriate ceremonies and activities" at Bennett's at the Farmers Market.


After ice cream, we headed over to the theater to get tickets to Ratatouille. We stopped to watch the dancing fountain (which had a broken water cannon that kept us entertained more than it should) and while there, an old man was taking a photo of a very attractive, very much younger woman. I stage whispered to Roy, "Can you say 'trophy wife'?" As they were walking away, the old man turned to me and winked.

Ratatouille was great. I didn't want French food afterward, as Catherine did, but I did want a cute little rat who can cook like Remy. Roy reminded me that rats are not cute* and most certainly can't cook, so I got over that fast.

We came home, relaxed in front of the fan, and then I began the knitting lessons. Roy chose the Twize 100% bamboo yarn (in Twed) to begin a very ambitious project--a hat. Okay, not so ambitious but for a very beginner, that's something. So far, so good. He caught on pretty quickly.
Look how excited he is. And the concentration!



So far, the culinary tour isn't going so well. I've only hit one spot on the tour, but we're hoping to hit more this week. We were just too tired today.


*Yes, I know. Some people find rats freakin' adorable. I am not one of them...unless they are cartoony and speak like Patton Oswalt.

Royfest 2007: Day 1

I didn't finish cleaning, but that's okay. Roy's family. I didn't do laundry, but that's okay. I barely made it to the airport on time, but that's okay. For once it was fairly painless to get around LAX and I picked him up curbside without incident. I forgot to take the 405 to go to Tito's Tacos for lunch, but that's okay. We went to Tommy's on Beverly instead. I forgot my camera, but that's okay. We had fun--trust me.

So, the culinary tour has begun. Tommy's chili burgers were a hit. mmmm...
At 7:15ish we ventured out to Highland Park for Ellen Bloom's art opening. Now, like an idiot, I didn't jot down the address or remember the name of the gallery. So after three trips up and down Figueroa, I finally saw something that looked like a gallery of some sort and--Ta Da! We found it. Ellen looked faboo as the artist in residence and many of her incredible pieces were sold by the time we got there. And then we found...CHICKEN BOY! Chicken Boy is awesome. Too tall to live. Too weird to die. Amy, the gallery owner, bought Chicken Boy and saved him from his original location. He now lives in her backyard. Headless. Oh, he has a head.
It's just not attached. Poor Chicken Boy. Amy hopes to install Chicken Boy (avec tete) in a permanent home (maybe on her gallery?) , so I signed a petition to help make it so.
Here Darcy tries on CB's body for size. Hmm...not quite.

After gazing at art and marveling at the talented Ms. Bloom, we (The Roy and I) left to find food. But first, we couldn't pass up this photo op.Who's your buddy?

We decided to find something closer to home and after passing two horrific multi-car accidents on the 110 within yards of one another, I forgot to change lanes and ended up in the Hill Street lane, so I said, "Hey Roy, wanna go to Chinatown?" Oh, that reminds me--Gwen, I found that pagoda thingy in Ellen's painting. It's on Hill just as you come off the freeway on the left side of the street near a sign that reads "Chinatownland." Anywho, we ate at Won Kok, which wasn't on my list for the Culinary Tour, but this girl never passes up the Kok. It was tasty. We saw what appeared to be a small wedding party, a band of Mariachi's, and a cop in really, really tight pants.

Tomorrow: the local farmer's market, and perhaps Olivera Street and a trip to Philippe's.

*Roy is not wee; Jesus is huge.