I had to work today from 7:00am until 3:30pm at a conference at the Wilshire Grand Hotel. The Wilshire Grand's parking is Valet Only. So, after a very long and exhausting day which saw me awake a full six hours before I would normally get up on a Saturday, I waited patiently for the valet to bring my car and drove home. I hit the 110, which was slightly annoying, and then the 101, which was a parking lot. I didn't feel like sitting, so I got off the freeway in Echo Park, only to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic on Sunset Blvd.
Before leaving the hotel, I drank two glasses of Diet Coke. I didn't stop in the ladies room before I left because I was anxious to get home and thought, "It's a short drive." Naturally, by the time I got home, I had to pee--badly. I stopped to get the mail out of the mailbox and then went to open my front door. But wait...WHERE'S THE KEY?? My key chain must have come apart at the valet and my house key fell off. Tami has a spare key, but she was working in West Hills until 1am. Crap! Frau PITA doesn't have a key. Stinkin' Crap! I have a key to Tami's house in Pasadena, but it's upstairs on my work key chain. Great Balls of Crap!
No longer able to hold it, I peed my pants. Don't judge me! I checked all around my car, in my car, under my car, and the key was nowhere to be found. I had no choice but to break into my own apartment. Fortunately, or not, my front door is covered in windows and there was a brick in the front yard. Unfortunately, It was shift change for the cops across the street and I swear as soon as one left another came in, so that I had to wait at least 30 minutes before I could do anything. Finally, I was able to take brick to glass. I only meant to break a corner and it was going well, until I tried to make the hole just a tiny bit bigger, when--oops--I tapped a bit too hard.
Having cleaned myself up, I set upon the task of covering the hole temporarily. I thought at first I could tape a CD jewel case would cover it, but the hole turned out to be too big. I measured it--8 x 12 exactly! "I have an 8 x 12 picture frame. I'll use that glass," I thought, as is my genius. But the glass in an 8 x 12 frame is actually larger than 8 x 12.
Now, I have to get my key from Tami first thing in the morning, call the window repair folks, do laundry, and so much more. Crap on a Stick! I finally settled on cardboard taped extra tight. I have bells on my door so that if anyone tries to break in, I'll hear it, and hopefully, I can get it fixed on Monday. Son of a Seasick Crap Turtle!
So I have to ask, what did I do to deserve the God-awful week I've had?