Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Intimates Sounds of A Complete Stranger

The walls of my apartment are pretty thin, at least the one separating my apartment from the one next door, particularly in the bedroom. My neighbor is fairly new. The previous tenant, Seth, lived there before I moved in and was relatively quiet. Maybe our schedules were just opposite. I worked two jobs back then, so he may have been loud as the dickens while I was away. But the most I ever heard from Seth was the occasional Sunday morning phone call to his buds about his Saturday Night conquests (and this only because both our windows were open).
Not so for the new guy.
I have never met my neighbor, not formally anyway. I have seen him in profile as he walked from his truck and up the stairs to his apartment, but I don't believe I've ever seen him head on. He has curly blond hair and seems like he'd be kind of handsome. I don't know his name, but I know that he listens to KROQ in the morning as his alarm. I know he drives a big truck and his girlfriend drives a silver Ford Focus. I know that his girlfriend sounds like a dolphin when she's, um, satisfied. And as of last night, I know that he snores. Yes, snores like a sawmill. Snores with a rhythm usually reserved for factory assembly line machines. And when he wakes from his snoring he sounds like he swallowed a toad. zzzzzzzzzzGAGcoughcoughGACK. This all occured at about 2:30am.
As I lay there waiting to see if I should call the paramedics for the poor guy, I began thinking about the close proximity of a complete bed...possibly naked. He is naked and just two feet away from me at least once a day. And when I'm in my room naked, there's a strange man just on the other side of the paper thin wall. If I can hear all his most intimate sounds, what does he hear from me? My alarm clock when I don't catch it? Sure. Does he hear me, uh, playing with my toys? Do I sing out loud? Does he hear my TV when I watch cheesy shows and movies? When I cry at night, which I do at times, does he hear me and wonder what's wrong? Do I snore??? Does my coughing when I'm sick keep him awake? Is he as freaked out by this as I am?
Phew. Fortunately, sleep came and I forgot about him..until now. Aw, now I'm thinking about it and getting freaked out again.


Anonymous said...

I heard you playing with your toys the other night...can I come over??

miss kendra said...

you should sing a duet and when it comes to the other part yell, "your turn!"

roy said...

Maybe you could become Peter and Lawrence from Office Space, where they would just talk to eachother through the wall that seperated their apartments. Of course, that's assuming you saw the movie, otherwise it's not really funny.

Also, I think it's cool of you to admit to playing with toys. A lot of people make like it's something to be ashamed of. But I think it's perfectly okay for adults to indulge once in a while. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to go dig out my Legos and Star Trek figurines. It's been far too long since I've played with my toys. I think if more people just relaxed and took time out to play with their toys, the world would be a much cooler place. Ahh, but it's past 2am, too late to be rooting through the attic, looking for my old toys.