Last week Latina Gladys Kravitz asked me if I had been having problems with water bugs. I have not and I told her so. She said that she had a few in her place and that the people next door had some. Hmmm, nope, not me. I'm bug free except for the occasional spider. Then, Frau mentioned that I maybe have bugs when she mentioned my untidy habits. Whatever. So today next door Lori asked me if I was having problems with bugs. Okay; now it's personal. Why is everyone insinuating that I have bugs in my apartment? And why isn't my apartment good enough for the bugs?
So, speaking of the spiders, every day there's a spider in my shower. I don't kill them. I let them hang out and warn them not to get too close to the stream of water. It made me wonder, though, what attracts them? I think there's some sort of spider men's room with "for a good time, check out this lady in the shower" written on the wall. Or, you know, locker room talk.
What do you think about in the shower? Do you think about the day ahead? Do you plan your "to do" list? Write a grocery list? Regret that fourth shot the night before? I think about things like--Did cavemen kiss*? When did kissing for pleasure, as opposed to greeting, come into practice. When did the first man or, more likely, first woman perform oral sex? Do animals kiss? I mean, really kiss not just touch faces. Should I let my layers grow out except for sweepy bangs? Should I get it cut again in layers? Would the layers make the natural wave/curl work better or would it just poof up like Roseanne Roseannadanna? Ah, Gilda Radner, she was so funny. I remember when she was married to G.E. Smith and they came home for Christmas ('cause G.E. was from Stroudsburg, Pennsyltucky) a bunch of us went caroling at the Smith house but his mom wouldn't open the door. We tried to get Jimmy, his little brother, to let us in but he wouldn't. Jimmy was kind of an asshole, even back in 3rd grade. Those Billy Dee Williams commercials are so funny.
And that's how my mind works before coffee. (oh, who am I kidding--it works like that all the time.)
*Google searching leads to this: artifacts in India document kissing as far back as 1500 BC. Appropriately, the French were the first to use kissing in courtship.