Saturday, January 16, 2010

Veni Vidi Vici--Action Jackson saves the day (now with photos)

Like a white knight he stepped out into the bright sunlight, faithful steed by his side, bucket of cleaning supplies in his hand. The day of reckoning...I mean, cleaning had arrived. Oddly, I didn't experience the expected meet shock. In fact, it felt like Jackson and I had known each other for years and were getting together after a long absence instead of meeting in person for the first time. He brought his dog, Baloo, too, or as I like to call him "ol' tiny mouth." We hugged and set off to the attack the mess. Before we went upstairs, I offered him an out-- "I feel you may have underestimated the scope of this mess. If you see it and say,'Screw this shit' I will totally understand." But Jackson was stoked to get started (clearly something wrong with him) so up the steps we went. He surveyed the damage with a few head nods and then we were off to the races.

Have you ever seen a man so happy to clean?

We started by filming (Yikes) a little before video on Jackson's flipcam (I need me one of those) beginning in the bathroom and then moving on to film the mess. OH. MY. GOD! He is actually going to post it on his site, which I will link here when he does. I should have been mortified, but I think at this point I just really wanted the help.

Jackson started in the living room, while I tackled the alcove separating garbage from donation, and setting aside the keepers. My vacuum, as I mentioned before, was kind of broken. Jackson got down and dirty with it, taking off the cover, unwinding all my hair that had gotten wrapped about the roller, and oiling up the belt. Eureka! It works! He was a blur of activity and before I knew it, he had the coffee table cleaned and scrubbed, the stereo table cleared, and was on the floor with the brush attachment scrubbing the nooks and crannies. Honestly, who IS this guy? I feel like I was standing still the whole time, even though I did my part in the alcove. In the time it took me to get through all the stuff in the alcove and actually see floor, Jackson had vacuumed the living, scrubbed everything in sight, vacuumed the stairs, jimmied open a window that I thought never opened, and cleaned the windows on the front door. Then, Jackson hauled all the donation items out to his car. He swept the porch and met the Frau, too. Ah, Frau. She asked him, "you live here?" "No, I'm just cleaning," he answered. "You sure you don't live here?" Good old suspicious Frau Pita. I promise I was cleaning, too, but honestly, this guy cleaned circles around me.

We had a moment of panic when Baloo the Ninja Pup escaped, but phew, he was just across the street. He is one stealthy chihuahua and so cute. Here's a pic I snagged from Jackson's blog. He looks so innocent. He ripped into a couple of little stuffed animals I was throwing away but was very good about not eating the eyes and noses he tore off.

Get that bunny (also, my phone camera sucks)
The carnage

I heart Baloo. I heart Jackson, too. After a brief lemonade and fruit break, we jaunted down the street to Out of the Closet where we unloaded a very loaded car. We exchanged high fives with the Out of the Closet staffer who helped us, and back home to finish. Sadly, the vacuum which had valiantly sucked up years of neglect breathed a sigh and sucked no more. Actually, it still sucks, but the brush has a broken piece. But that's okay, Action Jackson had done more than enough already. He truly seemed bummed that he couldn't tackle that last patch of carpet. We finished up by filming an after video, which while my place looked clean, I'm sure I looked a mess. I took some shots of SuperForester Jackson to the Rescue and a self-portrait shot for posterity. Have I mentioned how much my camera sucks?

Then, it was hugs for Jackson and kisses from Baloo, whom I have renamed "ol' dragon breath" and he drove off into the sunset. Who was that man in white?

Jackson, you are a prince among men, a truly amazing individual, and I cannot thank you enough for coming in and decluttering my apartment, and by extension, my life. I promise you I will continue this trend and not clutter it back up. Thank you for doing what you do, for starting SuperForest, for your beautiful generous spirit...and for the lovely signed copy of the SuperForest Humanifesto (suitable for framing).

One last gratuitous shot of Jack, because he's adorable and amazing.

PS. I am feeling so old right now. I just got up to get another glass of lemonade and could barely walk. I'm going to sleep well tonight.


Ellen Bloom said...

Wow! This guy sounds amazing!!! You are so lucky. It always helps to have an outside person help you decide what to give away and what to keep. Can't wait to see the photos!

woolanthropy said...

Dude, Jackson is awesome! Really and truly awesome. And cute to boot.

I could really use some Jackson mojo over here. It's time to clean out the closets. Ugh!

Jackson Nash said...


Soooooo much fun, chica. It was truly my pleasure! I was a bit chuffed at that last section of carpet not getting the royal treatment, but, 'til next time.

Much love to you.


MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Wow. He even types cute(ly?)!!

I think you had about as much fun as is humanly possible while CLEANING. Amazing. I need to get me one of them!

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