Tuesday, June 06, 2006

On the way here...

We got our tickets and were heading to the security checks. A man in front of us was at the wrong spot and the woman checking boarding passes sent him on his way, then rolled her eyes at us and said, "Reading is fundamental." Okay, it's not as funny in print, but I laughed for 20 minutes afterward. You had to hear the delivery.

I was wearing Vans with no socks, so I didn't want to remove my shoes for the metal detector. I've done this before and never had a problem. This time, I got sent to the penalty box to wait for the only female employee on duty to pat me down. While I was waiting in the bulletproof area, someone shouted "Bravo!" and all the employees either froze or ran to the archway leading to the gate areas. No one was allowed to move until we got an all clear. Kelli, however, was already on the other side of the wall of security officers. I wasn't worried. Had there been a gunman, I was inside the box.

Okay, so we're waiting at the gate and, no lie, every couple sitting in our area had just been married the day before and were on their honeymoon. Kelli and I felt left out so we told everyone we were getting married too. Anywho, there was the trailer park couple with baseball caps for the Bride and Groom--her's with attached veil and his with a ball and chain. Lovely. Then, there was the bride who got married Saturday and STILL had her wedding hairdo going on. And quite a do it was. It was pinned in a million places and curled and twisted, and...well, I snapped a photo but you'll have to wait until I get back for it. All we could think was, she must have had a boring wedding night if her hair held up through it all. When we landed and I got to see the whole package, I noticed that she was wearing a Hawaiian print dress in the same material as her husband's shirt. How cute! (puke) Thus, Bride Head revisited.

While waiting in line for customs, there was a woman on the far side of 40, at least, with a hot, black man in his 20's, or possibly just 30. She was so skinny she looked like a skeleton, and she was wearing a tiny black skirt and tank/camisole thing. But the best part of the ensemble was the shoes. High, high wedged espadrilles. Now, I don't know about you, but when I get on a plane, I think ahead. "If this plane goes down, who is in the emergency exit row that will not be able to get the raft down and hinder my escape" and "Will these shoes work if I have to trudge across land or deserted island for survival." I may have seen Cast Away too many times. So I immediately think, upon seeing Stella, who clearly was getting her groove back, "How the hell would she have escaped and survived in THAT?" Maybe it's just me.

There was a 1 1/2 hour bus ride from the airport to the resort. Along the way, we saw the police (call 1-1-9 for emergency), lots of shacks, goats, cows, and a vulture eating a not-so-lucky roadkill. Our driver, Mel, gave us all kinds of advice (like what to eat and what not to smoke) and made us laugh, even though we were mostly falling asleep.

Oh, and the in-flight movie was The Pink Panther. All I'm saying is men in their fifties wearing leotards...who thought that was a good idea. And I like me some Jean Reno, but oh, Jean, not the spandex...please, never again.

The rain stopped, so keep your fingers crossed.

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