Thursday, June 01, 2006

Three days before boat drinks

I leave for my vacation in three days and UPS has lost my swimsuit!!! What the fuck am I supposed to do now??

(okay, calm down, Laur. It's not the end of the world) Or is it? You see, I'm a woman of substantial, well, substance. It's incredibly difficult to find my size in a store, even the "women of substance" stores. So I ordered some swimsuits online. I ordered two from Jessica London and one from Lane Bryant. Jessica London sent me one (fortunately the cuter of the two) and had to cancel the other suit as it was no longer available. But at least they sent me an email. They communicated with me. Lane Bryant? Not so much. First of all, no email was sent regarding shipping of my order. I had to go onto the website to find my order status. Then, and even now, my order status reads "order processing" even though UPS tracking claimed it was on the truck ready for deliver as of 6am yesterday. It was not delivered yesterday. I paid an extra $20 for "superfast" shipping and six days is not super fast in my book. I went online to track the package today and according to the UPS tracker, the order is "Missing. Merchandise not in carton. Carton has been discarded. Shipper will be notified". Screw the shipper! What about the person patiently waiting for her freakin' super fast delivery?? What about the woman leaving for Jamaica in three days who paid exorbitant prices to have a barely cute swimsuit sent overnight and now will have to be bare-assed in the Caribbean? What are you going to do about that, Brown?
Lane Bryant said they'd be happy to reorder this item for me and have it sent immediately, but I declined. I'm going to have to scour the Los Angeles landscape and try in vain to find a plus sized swimsuit in the land of Skinny Ass Beyotches. Crap!

On a happier note, the gal who will be covering for me is super sweet and efficient, so I don't have to worry about the place falling apart. But seriously, three rum drinks into the week do you think I'll care?

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