Sunday, July 22, 2007

One afternoon in Paris

[Interior: an apartment shared by several old composers]
Giacomo Puccini enters the common room to find his friend Ludwig Van Beethoven angrily working on his latest composition.

PUCCINI
Ludwig, why-a you so angry?

BEETHOVEN
(silent)

PUCCINI
Ludwig?

LUDWIG!!!BEETHOVEN
huh?

PUCCINI
[with cone to Ludwig's ear] I say, "why-a you so angry?"

BEETHOVEN
That dummkoff Mozart has been in the bathroom for hours!

PUCCINI
What's he-a doin' in there? Waxing his carrot?

[enter Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, preening]

MOZART
Oh Giacomo. I was just powdering my wig. (erupts into giggles) Ludwig has no patience.

BEETHOVEN
I'm tired of der kalt dusche. Why do you have to take so long?

MOZART
I have to look good for my adoring fans.

BEETHOVEN
You could spend all day in there but you still come out looking like a horse's ass.

MOZART
At least my hair is styled. What do you call this? Der Rasenmaher?




[Ludwig lunges and the two wrestle briefly. Enter Guiseppe Verdi]

VERDI
Gentlemen, Gentlemen. Please. We are some of the greatest composers in history. Ludwig, you...Ludwig? LUDWIG!!
[Beethoven looks up]
Ludwig, your music will last for generations and I'm sure your latest work will be a hit.

BEETHOVEN
You are too kind, Guiseppe.


VERDI
And you, Wolfy. What is it they say on the streets? Ladies Love Cool Wolfgang? It's not the wig they want--(winks)

MOZART
Oh, Guiseppe (giggles). That is so true.
[to Beethoven] I'm sorry, Ludwig. Ludwig? LUDWIG!!

BEETHOVEN
Huh?

MOZART
I said, "es tut mir leid."

BEETHOVEN
Okay. I forgive you.


VERDI
Ah, that's nice. Let's all go out to the cafe for some coffee and croissants.


[the four composers sit at the cafe perusing menus when they hear from above, "Yoo Hoo! Verdi!!"]


PUCCINI
Asshole monster


Special thanks to Roy for his creative and technical assistance. Without him, this would have been impossible.
German obtained from a German-English dictionary. Don't hold me to any of it.

3 comments:

Annika said...

Super awesome.

WineGrrl said...

ROFLOL!!!!

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

What the HELL did they put in your Thai Tea?!?!!!! Also, I've had a crush on Wolfy since the movie (now that I'm certain you're as old as I am, I know you remember "Amadeus"; but what does it say of me that I liked Salieri the best?!)

You guys are crazy, yet entertaining. I like that in a dynamic duo.