Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I've lost that loving feeling...

...for knitting, for Los Angeles, for my apartment (sure, that's been long gone, but still).

I haven't knit since my ill-fated attempt two Thursdays ago in which I forgot the gauge and couldn't get my square to size. I have to force myself to do something this week because deadlines are looming and I've already missed two. What happened? Damned if I know, but I'd better get some inspiration and fast.

LA, city of my own initials, what have you done to me. I used to be so in love with you. My first apartment (okay, technically my third apartment but it was the same building and we moved three times until we found the apartment we liked) was two levels and the top floor balcony had the best view of downtown and the Hollywood sign. I never got tired of seeing that sign. It meant so much to me. It meant freedom. I mean no offense to my friends and family back home, but I never quite fit there and knew I'd be leaving eventually; I just stayed so long out of loyalty. Even after I moved to a different apartment, I always found myself turning toward the hills to catch a glimpse of my sign on my way down Sunset Blvd. My current office window has an awesome, albeit long distance, view of the Hollywood sign as well as the Capitol Records building. My desk purposely faces that direction. I hardly notice the sign most days.
I don't know what has happened to make me love LA less these days, but I do. I'm getting antsy again. I need a change. But...

I really need out of this apartment. I cannot--CANNOT--deal with Frau Piss-me-off any longer. I got a call yesterday to tell me that I owe her for the extra large water bill due to my leaky tub faucet. [okay, it was kind of my fault, but...] Water is included as a part of my lease, and while I'm open to paying a fine of sorts for my unchecked leak, she indicated that the bill was 3X larger and "you're going to be responsible for it." Um, hells no, not the entire bill! I am tired of her combative attitude every time she calls and her insulting lectures, as if I'm a child. (She also said, "I came by and your check wasn't in the box and it's the first of the month." It's the first all day, lady, so I can drop it off after work and still not be late.) I hate confrontations for the most part and I know she's going to make this difficult. I will ask to see copies of the water bill so I can see the increase and I'm sure to get an argument from her. It's going to be ugly and I don't feel like fighting. I have too many other things on my mind to fight with a cranky old bitch.
Which then begs the question: Should I look for another apartment in LA, possibly with a short term lease, or stay in the mouth of hell while trying to figure out what I want to do and where I want to be?

Meanwhile, it's 10:30, I haven't knit a thing, I need to figure out what I'm wearing tomorrow, I haven't eaten dinner, and I haven't returned Frau's call. If I speak with her today, I will cry.

Because I still need a new car if I'm going to move further from work.


Anne-Marie said...


I think you should look for apartments. You dont have to take one, but it won't hurt to look, and you might find something way cool without a bitch for a landlord.

I know about 5 people (including me) who are having a shitty time of stuff at the moment, lacking motivation and such. Maybe the moon moved in front of something that is bad, who knows, but i'm sure it will pass.

Hows it going with Jamie? I sold my last car a week after it broke for the 3rd time. You dont get as much for part exchanging, but at least the problem is no longer yours.

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hunny. I'm sorry things are sucky right now, but you are feeling much the way I was about a month ago, and even tho my circumstances haven't changed, I think my attitude has. At least, I got my knitting mojo back (thanks to babies!!!) and that's a huge help.

I think you should look for another apt. One with a 6 mo lease or month-to-month. Why do you have to move *farther* from work? There are some really nice old houses in that area. Granted, it may not be the "safest" or the cleanest neighborhood, but when you can get shot for changing lanes on a freeway/going to school or work/walking down the street, does it really matter?

Sometimes I think a Big Move, like to the Dakotas or sumthin might seem like a good idea. But then I see a program on serial killers and they all seem to come from the great white north.

Sigh. Now I'm depressed again. Nevermind.

miss kendra said...

i agree that there must be something going on in the sky. the moon, the stars... something.

i think maybe a change is just what you need.

Annika said...

Come to SnB tonight. We'll get some curry puffs.