Monday, January 26, 2009

Confessions of a Possible Somnambulist

So, It's Monday and I was visiting with Amber, discussing our weekends, wishing she was with me at Vons when I saw the woman in unfortunate Lycra pants that were not doing her any favors, when I mentioned that I woke up Sunday morning with a killer headache. I said, "It felt like I had been drinking all night Saturday, but I didn't have a drop of liquor. And I was ridiculously tired, too."

"Maybe you drink in your sleep," she replied. "You know, like those people who sleepwalk and eat in their sleep." I laughed it off and went about my day.

Then, I was talking to someone else about my tailbone. For the past couple of weeks, my tailbone has been killing me as if I fell on it hard, but I didn't fall--or did I?

I told Criss, my voice of reason, about Amber's assessment. She replied, "Laurie Ann! It was YOU who put the lipstick on the towel. You're totally sleepwalking!" I insisted that I don't own that shade of lipstick, but maybe I do? Maybe it's tucked away somewhere until my sleeping self pulls it out and gussies up for some sleep date. Come to think of it, there's a half empty bottle of wine in my fridge that I don't remember opening or drinking.

Now, wouldn't I know if I sleepwalk? I mean, don't sleep walkers wake up in odd places and stuff? I wake up in bed snuggled under the blankets. I have never been known to walk or talk in my sleep before. I've had roommates and shared a room with my sister for the first 16 years, so someone would have noticed by now. Do you think I could have suddenly developed this?

And what am I doing in my sleep that leaves me bruised and hungover?


terena said...

Pole dancing. That's my guess.

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

As long as you're not wearing the unfortunate lycra pants, I think you'll be okay.

And I think it's Frau what drank half your bottle of wine and bruised your tailbone while you slept. She's weird like that.

Ellen Bloom said...

Hmmm? You do live in Hollywood. Maybe you've been running downstairs (in your sleep) in the middle of the night and meeting up with some of the seamier scenesters!?!