Thursday, August 06, 2009

I'm a hot mess. Don't you judge me.

Remember that time they towed my car and broke that plastic shield thingy that's supposed to protect the undercarriage when you bottom out? Well, part of the shield thingy has been dragging under my car for over a year. Edgar, my friend in supplies, fixed it temporarily with some quick set clay, but it eventually wore off and dragged again. It was slightly annoying but the car was drivable and I just turned up the stereo to drown the sound.

Today, on my way to the offsite storage unit, my ridiculously-low-to-the-ground car bottomed out on my way down the ramp from P4 to P3 and I heard an awful sound. I stopped the car and looked behind me to see if I left any parts back there. Seeing nothing, I continued on, but now instead of a slightly annoying dragging sound, I had the "OMG, is there a dead body under my car?" sound. (Don't ask me how I know that sound. What happens in Pennsyltucky, mostly stays in Pennsyltucky.) I tried to soldier on but it was obvious something awful happened, so I backed into a parking space on P3 and got out to investigate. Turns out the ENTIRE plastic shield thingy was now hanging out from under my car, and being held in place by the most stubborn screw in the history of hardware.

While I was on my hands and knees peering under my car and wondering what the hell I was going to do, one of our chivalrous maintenance men came over to see what was wrong. We have the nicest maintenance crew in this building, no lie. I mean, we were such a needy bunch of whiners when we first moved in here I'm surprised they don't spit on us or key our cars, let alone stop to help when it's clearly outside their job description. But Feliciano stopped and I'm glad he did. He tugged and poked and even whacked it with a piece of pipe, but that stubborn last screw would not budge. Finally, he twisted the plastic piece under my front tire and had me drive forward and reverse until it snapped. When it did, he raised his hands up and shouted, "Goal!" It was kind of awesome. I gave him a bottle of water and a hug, which kind of scared him because I'm a large woman and stand about 1/2 a foot taller than him.

At this point I was covered in dirt and grease, but I proceeded to the storage unit to find that the boys over there had done all the work for me. I only had to load a few boxes into my car and then unload them back at the office. Sweet. I picked up a Chinese chicken salad for lunch, heavy on the ginger dressing, and proceeded to spill dressing all over my already dirty shirt. Also, my hair? I shouldn't have been allowed out of the house.

So, all I'm saying is--Ladies, when I show up to Stitch N Bitch* tonight looking like five miles of bad road, don't point and laugh, please.

*I decided I was unfit for human eyes and needed a shower, so I didn't go.


MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

I was going to recommend my panacea for all things falling off - DUCT TAPE - but it sounds like Feliciano got your back. :)

Annika said...

Man, is there anything better than helpful maintenance guys? Honest to pete.

Hopefully I'll see you tonight. Just need to scrape together some spare change. I hate the day before payday so very, very much.