Cordless mice suck--more consumer testing

Mr. Man finally killed his cordless keyboard with his Neanderthal banging on the keys, so I was quickly dispatched to Ye Ole Office Supply Store to purchase a new one. Since I was being inconvenienced, I decided to buy myself something pretty. This usually means a pen. I am pen obsessed, folks. But this time, I was distracted by the worst kind of product--shiny and cute. I had to have it. I never learn.
The last item I "had to have" was a rollerball pen that used fountain pen ink. It came with a supply of great colored inks. It sucked like a Dyson vacuum. I tried to like it, but it just wouldn't write and I had to admit defeat. Fortunately, I have enough fountain pens (Obsessed with a capital O) to use the great colored inks.
So, cute and shiny little cordless mouse, with a neato techno-something tab...It was just too cool to pass up. And little? My cell phone is just slightly larger than this baby. Perfect for my over-crowded desk.
For the boss, I bought a cordless keyboard and mouse package. It's really great and has all these shortcut buttons for opening internet, email, Word, Excel, Powerpoint, buttons for "undo" and "redo", buttons to close a page or go back to the previous page, buttons to print, save, cure the common cold, etc. It's way to advanced for that two-fingered typer, but it's all they had.

This morning, I came to work all excited about installing the cuteness. I hooked up the boss's set first, then moved on to mine. Here are the things that sucked about it:

1. The magic waves or whatever that make the cordless things work didn't reach far enough for me to use the mouse with my right hand. While I eventually figured out that the cord included was to extend the wave area, it didn't help.
2. The mouse wouldn't work on my white blotter.
3. It was incredibly slow.
4. It was clearly possessed by some evil lifeforce and needed to be destroyed.

Not to worry. I still had the boss's old cordless mouse, which he hasn't managed to destroy but did manage to get yellow highlighter marks all over. How does one do that? So I hooked that up, and it sucked just as much as the cute one. I finally threw up my hands in defeat and reinstalled my trusty corded mouse, and life is once again worth living.

Except I have to call Slutty McWhore IV and I'm not looking forward to that. Knots in tummy. Feelings of inadequacy. I think I'll text instead.