Home again, home again, jiggedy jig

It's no use regaling you with tales of debauchery without photographic evidence to back it up, so I'm holding off until the pictures are developed. Suffice it to say that we all made it back in one piece, with darker skin and ten million insect bites. No really, I counted them. They aren't going away, either. Just call me Itchy McScratchy. Oh, and I may have committed a felony, or at least a misdemeanor punishable by fines up to $10,000. Yikes.

So, I inherited a road atlas of varicose veins from my mom (and all the women who came before her--Thanks!) and that combined with my weight and sedentary lifestyle has caused CVI, or Chronic Venous Insufficiency. I have scars on the back of my leg from this and my legs tend to swell up like Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon, especially when I fly, or sit at my desk for long periods of time. Like now. My legs are not very attractive today. I can't shave because of all the bug bites that I don't want to cut open, and I am puffed up like a blowfish.

I have nothing more to say except, "Please make the itching stop."