Uncalled for

This morning, at 9:40am to be exact, I was on my way to Starbucks for a directors' meeting. I was stuck at a light at Union Avenue and 8th Street, when I this woman walked in front of my car tugging at her dress. If she hadn't tugged, I wouldn't have looked. But look I did, and what did I see? Oh, everything God gave her, that's what I saw. Yes, the "dress" was more like a shirt and tug as hard as she did, it did not cover her very large, cellulite-infested ass, nor her well-trimmed Hooha. At some point, she just stopped tugging and let it all hang out, much to the delight of the man behind me in the big red truck that nearly rammed my car. The red light lasted unusually long, so I had ample opportunity to view Commando Candy and her Carnal Treasure.

In other news, the freakshow that is our Ladies Room continues. Yesterday, I went pee before I got in the car to come home and while I was in my stall I heard the distinct sound of a cell phone camera with this recorded voice saying, "Say Cheese." I looked all around to make sure some Pervy McPerverson wasn't taking photos of me under or over the stall. Then, I realized it was another woman in the stall across from mine. Four or five times I heard, "Say Cheese." So, I have to ask the obvious--What the hell was she photographing? And, really, I don't think I want to know.