Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Bald is hot

[blogger is messing with me]

I had a big Board of Directors luncheon thing today and we didn't have name tags in stock. I had to run to Staples to pick them up, then get to work, make name tags and table place cards, revise the agenda, make sure the packets are all complete and then get to the venue early to set up the A/V and take notes in the pre-lunch meeting. Phew! So, you can imagine how happy I was to have two of LA's finest pull up behind me and start flashing the ol' red and blue.

They cautiously approached the car, because everyone knows the most hardened criminals drive piece o' crap Jettas, and Officer Handsome said to me, "Good morning ma'am. On your way to work?" Resisting the temptation to say "nope, just heading down to the B of A to pull a heist" I replied, "Yes, sir. I'm running late." I looked up to see the most stunning set of green eyes, long fringy eyelashes and a shaved head. Who needs hair with eyes like that?

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked. Uhhhhh....knowing it could be any number of reasons and not willing to give them any ideas, I said "No." "Well, ma'am, we noticed your brake lights are out and as we pulled up behind you, we noticed your registration is past due." [yes, again; don't you judge me.] Balls! That sounds expensive. I immediately went into what I like to call "harried female mode."

"Oh, the brake lights? Shoot!" and then I launched into the whole story about Hamid and the dead battery and the jiggling of the wire all while I searched my purse for my wallet, which was right in the front. Officer Handsome then asked if I knew my registration was past due. I explained that yes, I knew that. I need the smog test, you see, and then I lost the paper they sent that you have to take to the smog test station so they can electronically submit your test results. Then, the DMV sent another and can you believe I lost that one too?* "Okay, ma'am. Just relax. We'll be right back."

He left to go write up my ticket and I cranked the music--Bad Company, if I'm not mistaken. After what seemed like an eternity (honestly, did he not hear me say I was running late?) he returned with a Fix-It Ticket. "I'm real sorry, ma'am. I wish I could let you go but we're getting a lot of pressure to crack down. I understand times are tough, so I'm giving you a fix-it. " He then explained the procedures for a Fix-It Ticket while I acted like I was listening intently but was really looking at his eyes and incredibly kissable lips. Mind you, he was probably half my age, but who cares. I made it to work and got my stuff done before the meeting with no problem.

But at the luncheon, I met the hot catering manager who also happened to have a shaved head and lovely green eyes. Is there a run on hot bald guys? He was very attentive. I think he had a crush on me.

*This works much better when one puts on a thick southern accent like that commercial where the pot hole apologizes for give the car a flat tire, with all due respect to southern women.


MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Gotta love a man in uniform. Especially the ones with bald heads. I guess if you *have* to get a ticket, green eyes with long lashes would be the best way to go!

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